Trans!Nagito Komaeda x Hajime Hinata Oneshots

Unimportant vent chapter (angsty smut ig?)

This is just kind of a vent, it's not really that important-

(Oh also, TW for some stuff like flashbacks to s//xual ab//se, intrusive thoughts, and mentions of unhealthy relationships.)

P.S. I'm the individual B)

Please don't comment weird stuff, I'm kind of projecting my trauma onto Nagito-

(Third Person Limited: Nagito Komaeda)

"You okay baby?"

Hinata looked at him, clearly worried.

"Hm?"

"Are you feeling okay?"

He held Komaeda close, his hands resting just below his chest.

Too close.

Suddenly, his hands were all over his body, pushing up his shirt, touching his chest, making him feel awful. Komaeda felt himself starting to panic, his breathing speeding up and his heart beating faster than it should. He had to get away. No, he deserved this. But he didn't want this, right? Wait, no, that wasn't his choice. He didn't know what to-

He blinked and Hinata was still holding him gently, his hands just as far away from his chest as they had been before. He looked even more worried.

"Seriously, are you alright? You're acting weird."

"Ah, no, I'm fine... don't worry!"

He flashed a sweet smile and leaned into his boyfriend's touch, trying to force himself to enjoy it. Come on, he's happy like this. Don't be mean. Let him do what he wants. Just shut up and let him use you like the whore you are.

Hinata shifted, resulting in his hands ending up a little bit closer to Komaeda's chest. He wanted to cry, so he squeezed his eyes shut to keep any tears from coming out. That didn't help, because when he closed his eyes all he could see was Hinata pushing him against the wall, making him take off his clothes, telling him he looked like a slut. Because that's all he'd ever be.

And then it was gone again and he was still being kind. Letting him be selfish. He didn't deserve this. The way he held Komaeda so lovingly, so affectionately. It felt wrong. Like there should be more hitting and yelling and less comfortable silence. He didn't deserve to be treated like royalty, he deserved to be treated like a sex toy. This wasn't right. None of it was right. Hinata loved him too much.

He was used to a cycle: meet someone, fall in love, confess, have them say they like you too so you'll do what they want. Then they use you until they get bored and leave you for the next narcissist or sadist to pick up. It was familiar to him, so it was comforting.

But Hinata was different. He was so sweet, and loving, and worried about Komaeda's comfort in every situation. He actually cared and loved him back. He didn't just want to keep him around to use as a fuck toy once in a while. 

It was nice, but it felt wrong. It wasn't supposed to be this way. Relationships like this were for people like Hinata. People who were kind and caring and perfect. The kind of relationships Komaeda was supposed to be in were for people who loved too strongly and cared too much and were only alive to please others.

He wasn't supposed to have this. Surely Hinata would figure that out and know he was useless soon.

Right?

That's what he'd thought, but as the days went by and turned into weeks which turned into months, Hinata never did. He was still just as kind and lovely as he'd been when they first started dating, and it was confusing. Where was the degradation? Where was the comforting feeling of being treated like an object? Where was the sexual stuff that happened without his consent? Where was the familiar pain of being knowingly manipulated?