Ribs - bokuaka

Chapter 17

I wake up with a start, hearing some sort of noise outside of the car. I look to my left and see that Bokuto has yet to return to the driver's seat. I can't help but be momentarily concerned, it isn't like him to just disappear.

Exiting my seat as quickly as I can, I prepare to go out and look for him. My search ends as quickly as it began though, because he is standing right outside the car. It seems the noise that I heard was him kicking a tire. He's facing away from me, so I can't tell if it was out of frustration or not.

I stand there for a moment, just waiting for him to say something. I'm not sure if I was expecting an apology or another heated exchange, but I certainly was not expecting silence. Much to my surprise, silence is what I get.

This silence is different from any I have ever experienced. It isn't the comforting silence that I felt when I was in his arms underneath the stars. It isn't the sickening silence that was eating at me when he wouldn't talk to me in the car. It isn't even the boring, normal silence that I have grown accustomed to. It is completely different.

It takes me longer than I would like to admit to realize just how much I despise this silence. It is tense and uncertain. I would prefer anything over this. It is almost as if I can feel his painful discomfort, or maybe that is just me.

We stay like this for quite some time. Every minute that passes with nothing said, my horror grows. He must know that I am here, so why is he ignoring me? Is he waiting for me to talk? Even if he is, I have nothing to say. What could I possibly say after what happened earlier?

Another minute passes. He hasn't even turned to look at me yet, I am stuck staring at the back of his head. This is getting too much for me to bear.

"Bokuto..?" My voice fails me, coming out no louder than a whisper. I can tell that he hears me speaking, though. He practically flinched when I started to talk. Did I really scare him that badly?

Despite my efforts to start some sort of conversation, he keeps up his previous silence. The pit in my stomach grows deeper as I am filled with guilt. I never wanted to hurt him like this. But how could I not get angry?

"Will you drive?" It feels like it has been an eternity since I have heard his voice.

"I will."

We both climb into our respective seats of the car, and I start it up without a word. He reaches to turn on the radio, but I block his hand. For the first time since I woke up, he looks at me. "Is something wrong?"

"Of course there is. I want to talk to you." I move my hand back to the wheel of the car, feeling his eyes peer into the side of my head. I want to turn and look at him so badly.

He keeps quiet, presumably so that I can start to talk. So, I take my opportunity. "I want you to explain why you didn't tell me about what happened before we left."

"I already did," he objects. But I stay quiet, deciding to copy his behavior from earlier rather than argue back. I want an explanation from him, a real explanation.

I hear him sigh and shuffle in his seat. "I just wanted to have time with you, Akaashi. I needed time, just a little bit of time." Judging by the volume of his voice, he is facing as far away from me as he can. I wish he would look at me again.

"I would have wanted you to tell me. Did it not occur to you that telling me why I was running away with you might be important? We could get in real trouble for this." I look over to him, just for a second. But it proves pointless, I can't even see his face.

"That wasn't it," he says quietly, staring out his window.

"What was it then?" I feel myself getting more and more upset, but at this point, there isn't anything that I can do about it. I don't have any control over myself. It's almost like I am just watching the whole situation play out, not actively participating in it.