Lucia pushed her key into the door of our apartment and stepped through and I followed behind, dragging my suitcase.
"Home sweet home." she sighed, "Would you like a cup of tea?"
"God, yes please."
I went straight through to my room and deposited my bags, pushing my feet into my slippers. I chucked my phone on the bed face down, leaving it there. Harry Styles was trending on Twitter for the mystery girl in his sweater outside the hotel, who by now had been matched with the girl smoking with him outside a club in London the night before. I looked at myself in the mirror above my dresser, the hood of Harry's jumper pulled over my head. Was that girl really me? Now I was at home away from the glamour and glitz of the last few days it barely felt like it.
"It wouldn't hurt to dress up every now and again Louret!" Dan argued, his shoulders tense as he leaned against the kitchen counter, "Do you... do you really still think there's a spark left in this?"
"A spark!? Dan, this isn't a fling, we're engaged. Look, I can put on a dress and make myself pretty but thats not why you fell in love with me. We were in college, I turned up in tracksuits. Come on-"
"We're not in college anymore. This... this isn't making me happy anymore."
"Soph?"
Lucia was stood in the doorway, two cups of tea in her hands. I pressed my plams into my eyes, wiping tears away. She came into the room, putting the cups on the side and wrapping her arms around my shoulders, "What's the matter?"
I pressed my face into her shoulder, a low sob coming from my chest, "I can't do it again Soph, I really don't want to."
She sighed, "Do what?"
"The drama of it all. When he left I felt like I couldn't breathe for so long. In some ways I still can't you know, and maybe it's just too soon!"
"No!" Luc interjected, pulling away so she could see my face, "Not at all. You've sat with the sadness that he caused for long enough, alright? Is Harry not... not like fresh air?"
I held up my hand to her and showed her the way it shook, "This isn't fun though Luc."
"But that's not Harry, that's scar tissue from your ex."
She walked over to my bed and picked up my phone.
"Two new messages. 'Hey Sweet, are you home okay?' and 'I wish I didn't have to leave so soon.'"
I smiled, a small blush making my cheeks pink, "Really?".
She nodded, passing me the phone.
Sure enough, there they were, each finished off with two kisses.
"Well... yeah. God, I need to get it together. I'm gonna video call him, wanna join maybe?" I offered, sitting down on my bed.
She shook her head, smirking, "I'll leave you two be."
I nodded and she left.
I called and it only rang for a moment before Harry picked up, his hair unstyled and hanging over his forehead.
"Hey Soph, you back now?"
"Yeah, you're home with your mum?"
He walked around the house as we chatted, setting his phone on the side in the kitchen to sit down for a moment.
"Yeah, got back about half an hour ago. Listen, I'm sorry about the paps, hope they weren't too much trouble."
I nodded, trying to brush it aside, "You must be pleased to see your Mum Styles."
"I am, hey, she's here now, Mum, this is the girl from the wedding I was saying about."
I tried to contain my shock that he'd spoken to his Mother about me, my face growing hot,
"Oh, hi, I'm Sophie."
His mum took the phone from his hands, smiling teasingly at Harry, "Well now, she's very pretty."
Harry groaned in embarrasment, taking the phone back decisively, "Okay, well you've met, that's good."
I bit my lip in amusement, deciding whether or not to weigh in.
"Well, you agree don't you? I'm quite pretty."
Harry's jaw dropped at my blatant flirting, and he didn't offer a response, "I'm walking away from my Mum now."
He wondered down the hallway and back up the stairs, going and laying on his bed.
"When did you get so bold?"
I shrugged, "I was talking to Luc about stuff and, God, this'll sound stupid okay?"
He nodded patiently, allowing me the space to proceed.
"Well, I've been drowning for a long time. I was engaged, for over a year. And losing that, and learning to live with that, felt a lot like drowning. But you're fresh air. You're the feeling of coming up for air."
He opened his mouth to respond, but closed it promptly as he found himself rendered speechless.
"That's..." he paused, his eyes searching my face, "You're definitely a writer, Soph. There's less dramatic ways to say you fancy me."
I gasped. I pour my heart out to him and he's... teasing me about it? Disbelieving laughter climbed my throat.
"No way are you calling me dramatic, Mr Boy Band. Sorry, I might have to end this phone call to look up the lyrics to Two Ghosts by a certain X Factor progidy."
We both burst out laughing, and he rolled his eyes at me. My heart raced at the chemistry that jumped between us.
"Just so you know Louret, I feel the same. You make me feel normal."
I pursed my lips, nodding, "Normal. I like that."
Later on I lay in bed, considering his words over and over in my head. I hadn't felt like that for a long time. I could count on the fingers of one hand how many times I'd felt like that.
I picked up my phone and unlocked it, searching for and finding the Twitter app. I clicked on the trending Harry Styles hashtag, just looking to see what people were saying about us. I was starting to think perhaps that it might be worthwhile enduring the public eye for Harry. But I quickly learned that this new found confidence could be easily shaken as my stomach turned at the sight of a picture on my feed. Sure enough, it was me. A very familiar picture of me, teary eyed as my ex boyfriend got down on one knee to propose to me.
The caption was; "OMG she was engaged? That's sooo sad lol #harrystyles"
Panic sweeped over me as I stared at the public tweet. Where had they found this photo? Why would they share that with the world? Why would people retweet it? I was ashamed. I'd known Harry for no more than a few days and already my world was being torn into.
Was this truly a sustainable decision?
I fell asleep clutching my mobile in my hand, tangled within my own thoughts.
