Protective Shadows (The Protective Series, Book 2)

Chapter Thirty-One

My fingers hung loosely intertwined with Asko's as we walked along the winding gravel path through Elysian Park. Thickets were clumped together on either side, and up ahead looked much the same.

We had no idea where we were going, or headed to, but I was trusting Asko to lead the way. His eyes scanned the area for any other signs of life, eventually coming to rest on me.

I wasn't entirely sure when exactly I had begun to trust him again. It seemed like over the past few weeks, I had accepted that he genuinely felt guilt-ridden for cheating on me, and without thinking about it too much, I believed him. What it really came down to was that he had supported me, regardless, even when I refused to talk to him for a brief while there. No one else had seemed eager to join the 'let's support Jed' wagon, but Asko hadn't allowed that to rain on his parade. His actions definitely spoke louder than his words. If not for him, waking me up from my unconsciousness earlier, who knows what would have happened.

My intention had been to try and take my mind off the pain, and off the heartbreak, but I'd almost ended up killing myself.

I jerked my EarPods free from their tangled mess, offering one to him in my hand. Asko took it with a soft smile, walking closer to me as he wedged the left into his ear, stroking his thumb over my knuckles.

"You're not going to send me back to the hospital, are you?" I asked nervously, gazing across into his weary grey eyes.

Morning was fast approaching afternoon, and still the sun had failed to transpire from the completely white sky. Pale light spilt across Asko's face and upper arms, making him seem paler than he usually was. Whilst he had thought smartly and dressed up for any potential rain or cold winds, I had not. The chilled breeze was already beginning to pierce through my black 5 Seconds of Summer t-shirt, imprinted with the band's simple logo of a fifth line striking through the other four just below my left collarbone.

"Jed -

"Please don't send me back," I pleaded, coming to a halt in front of him, also making him stop in his tracks. "I hate it there, Asko. I'm really sorry I slipped through the cracks, but please, just don't send me back. I'll do anything."

"Just listen to me," he sighed, sliding his fingers over the backs of my hands and gently squeezing the undersides with his fingers. "I'm not going to send you back there, Jed. I'm not that cruel, or heartless. Instead, I'm hoping that you can talk to me about your feelings, and thoughts. I may not have a fancy degree framed on my wall, but I will understand better than they could about what you're going through. You're my best friend, for god sake, and the only person that makes my life worth living at all. I just want to help you return to the person you once were - the person Janne fell in love with, and so did I."

I was comforted by his words of honesty and benevolence, but I wish I could say the old me was planning to make a reappearance anytime soon. It looked very dubious at this stage, and I doubted that even if, by some miracle, he did come back, he wouldn't be the same as he once was.

"The old Jed is dead." I sighed, gazing down at my shoes. I began to walk forward without knowing if Asko was following me, and my mind picked that certain moment to dig through my shattered memories, piecing the most painful one of all back together.

December 26, 2014

"Won't you at least hint at where we're going?" I asked Janne as he dragged me along a soft stretch of grass.

He'd ordered for me to close my eyes, and to make sure I didn't peek at any moment during my blind walk, he had slid a sleeping mask over my eyelids. I could hear magpies calling out somewhere nearby, and the appetising scent of cooking bacon was instantly picked up by my nostrils, which sniffed quickly in approval. My stomach groaned, and even though Janne couldn't see it, a blush crept its way to my cheeks.