His Lifeline

Chapter 28: Smuggled Fast Food

The girls came into the room with large hoodies on. Then they dropped three paper bags on the nightstand and pulled four drinks seemingly out of nowhere. I thanked them as they handed out food. Everyone got a quarter pounder, besides Rachel, who had chicken nuggets.

"Alright, spill," Rachel started. With my mouth full, I gestured with a confused gesture. I tried to convey my thought of "Where do you want me to start?" but they were all confused. I swallowed and then gave words to my gesture.

"Where do you want me to start?"

"Well, the beginning would be nice," Rachel spoke up. I nodded.

"Um, well, as I'm sure the police have told you, I was, um, being abused by Gabe." I heard my mom suck in a breath as she cried out shakily, "Why didn't you tell me?"

I quickly tried to amend whatever pain and heartbreak I just caused. "Uh, you see, he told me that if I told you that you wouldn't leave the house. I didn't want to know what that meant." I looked at the blankets as Mom's hand squeezed mine.

It was quiet for a while, no one saying anything. Honestly, I was glad. If they didn't ask questions and just assumed that was everything, I could be on my merry way. But that was obviously too much to ask.

"So is that why you pushed me away?" Annabeth said softly.

I hesitated. Immediately my mouth almost formed the words that spoke the truth. Sure it was partly because of Gabe, but the more dangerous part was the debt collectors. I took a breath. I knew I was still being watched, either that or they would come for me soon.

"Yeah, that's why" I kept my eyes trained on the bed. I couldn't afford to spill any more information. It would just put the three in danger. I bit my lip. I couldn't, no matter how much it killed me to lie to them.

"If you've been enduring the abuse for so long, why kill yourself?" Mom asked quietly. I could hear the hurt and guilt in her voice, and it killed me. I caused this—all this pain. If I hadn't existed, none of this would've happened. I bit my lip harder, drawing blood.

"Um, it's actually because I put you guys through so much that I felt if, if I were gone, then you would be free. Before I met Annabeth, mom was the only chain that grounded me. I lived solely for the Monday nights we spent together. But then I met Annabeth, and she accepted my issues and even helped me a few times when I couldn't patch myself up. She became the second chain that grounded me." I smiled weakly as I messed with the blanket with my left hand. "Then, I met Rachel, and you became one of my only friends. But then something happened. I knew that it would put the two people I cared for most in this world in danger. It would be my fault if you got hurt and I couldn't stand it. I knew that over my own happiness, I would take Annabeth's safety. So I pushed you away. It killed me. When you walked out, everything hit me, it was my fault, and I knew it. I did all this to myself. It's all my fault. But then I thought of mom and her pain when she realized all the pain that I had endured, and I knew that she would feel heartbroken" I looked at mom," I didn't want to hurt you anymore. So when the police left my room, I decided to get out of your hair. I felt all the pain and guilt crushing me. The heartache wouldn't allow me to exist in peace, so when I came across a solution, I took it." I looked back at my blanket, not meeting any of their eyes.

It was quiet, too quiet. My mind started going into overdrive. Sure, spill your guts. That sounds like a grand idea! Now I'm sure they are repulsed to be around such weakness. You who couldn't continue living decided to off yourself and couldn't even finish the job. I bet they wished that you managed to do it correctly.

I took a shuddery breath and felt warm arms around me. My breath hitched, and my eyes widened. Why? I looked and saw my mom hugging me. Why was she showing such warmth to me? It's probably pity. I felt her shake, and a sledgehammer hit my gut; I made her like this. Gods, why couldn't I just keep something to myself for once!