Sincerely, Harry || Homicidal Prequel

Entry 14

Dear diary,

I'm sitting in the lounge next to Anderson. There's something different between us now, like we've almost moved into a neutral territory. I know that there's a fifty-fifty chance of it lasting, considering his anger issues and my awkwardness, but it's nice to not have to fear my next run in with him.

He keeps asking me what I'm writing, but I keep telling him it's private. Now's he's asking me if my therapist told me to write, so I said yes and he dropped it.

Mrs. Emmerson just came into the room. She says I have a visitor. I hope it's my mum or Gemma. I'll be back soon.

-

Not my mum. Not Gemma, either. It was Dustin's sister, Chloe-Grace. When I came into the visitors' room, she was sat at one of the tables, looking as sad as I saw her in the courtroom. Something told me she's been this depressed the whole three years.

She had her blonde hair pulled up in a ponytail. It looked ratty, and her roots were greasy. It was apparent that she hadn't showered in days, and it was obvious by the state of her clothes—sweatpants and a wrinkled T-shirt peeking out from under a jumper—that she hadn't changed her clothes in a while.

“Hi,” she had said when I sat down. She didn't touch me; she just kept her limbs to herself on her side of the table.

“What are you doing here?” I had asked.

She smiled sadly and said: “I want to talk to you. About Dustin, obviously.”

“What do you want to know?” I questioned after a sigh.

She stopped talking for a second and looked down at the table. At this point, my heart was beating fast, and I didn't know what to expect. I hadn't seen Chloe-Grace since my sentencing. I really didn't understand why she was there in front of me, and I had my walls up.

“Why did you do it?” she asked.

“You know why.” I frowned.

“I don't want a speech you put together with your lawyers. I want you to be real,” she answered.

So I took a deep breath, and I told her.

I said: “I don't want to make your brother seem like a monster, Chlo. It started off fairly innocent. Hugs where his hands strayed too far, kisses that lasted too long. The he gave me a handjob once. He asked me if I wanted it and I said yes because I didn't want him to break up with me. He turned sixteen a few days later and he touched me again, but I said no that time, so he stopped. He kept trying, and I kept saying no. That night started off how it usally did. We were cuddling and his hands wandered. He told me I had to sleep with him so he'd stay with me, but I kept telling him no, that I didn't want it. Then he hit me. He got so angry and just started slapping me around, so I ran to the kitchen but he followed me. As he took my pants off, he told me how my virginity was worth the six hundred dollars and that he didn't love me because my own mother couldn't. He woudn't stop and I didn't know what to do. So when I saw the knife, I stabbed him.”

It sounded so scripted. I had told this story to my mum, my sister, my lawyer, the courtroom, my therapist. So many people that it sounds so monotone when I repeat it.

Chloe-Grace sniffled. “He's my brother. I don't want to picture him doing all that.”

“You've always known, Chlo,” I responded.

“I know,” she said.

“You lied to the press,” I continued.

“I know,” she repeated.

“Why?” I demanded.

She sighed and said: “Because I didn't want to admit to myself that my brother, someone I loved and respected, could be capable of doing this to someone. If you hadn't killed him, he would have succeeded, and I don't want to think about that. I also don't want to think about how he commited a crime by touching you sexually. I'm sorry that this happened to you, and I'm sorry that you're stuck in here, but there was only one prevention: you should not have killed him.”

“It's better than allowing myself to be raped,” I said.

“You're a murderer, Harry. You killed someone and that makes you a murderer. It may not have been cold-hearted, but you still are one,” she replied.

I stood up from the table and walked out of the room. I'm back in my room now. I hate Dustin's sister. Chloe-Grace is nothing but a bitch. A grieving bitch, but a bitch.

I don't feel like writing anymore today. Goodbye.

Sincerely,

Harry.