Aftermath

Part 4

"Wow. I'm really sorry to hear that, Jisung," Taehyun frowned, tears forming in his own eyes as he watched the other boy tear up. Jisung shrugged, flashing a sad smile.

"I mean, yeah, it is what it is. I just hate the aftermath." Taehyun sent Jisung a confused look.

"Well, my Jaehyun hyung was there when I woke up—he was there the first time I woke up, too—and all he said was: 'you promised, Sungie, you promised you would never kill yourself' and then he walked away."

"Oh, Jisung, I'm so sorry," Taehyun frowned. Jisung smiled sadly again.

"It's okay. Renjun and Chenle have been to visit me but the others haven't yet. I know Jungwoo wants to, but the company isn't letting him since he is really fragile too."

"Will you tell me about all of your members? How do you remember all 20 of them?"

Taehyun and Jisung spent the next hour or so just chatting about idol life in different companies. Jisung was really interested to know how only having a team of five was and how it felt to be the younger brothers of BTS. Taehyun answered honestly, sharing some of his struggles as he unpacked his bags and settled into his new life at the psych ward.

~

"Hey, Taehyun!"

"Hmm?"

"Will you tell me your story now?" Jisung looked over to Taehyun, watching him write in his journal. He found it fascinating how the boy was always writing something down. He also found it cute how everything he did was backwards to him since he was left-handed.

"Um, okay, but I'm not sure how much I'll be able to get through because it still hurts," Taehyun sighed.

Jisung spead his arms and invited the smaller boy into his bed to tell the story.

"No, Jisung, I'll stay in my bed to tell you."

"Okay," Jisung replied, quite disappointed the smaller boy was rejecting his affection.

~

"Taehyun! Eat something already!" Beomgyu slammed his hand down on the table, scaring the youngest member, Kai. Taehyun had been writing in his journal all of the calories he ate and burned off and how much his weight fluctuated throughout the day.

The other boys pretended not to notice since they didn't want to approach the younger boy and upset him, but they were beginning to get really worried. Taehyun had been refusing to eat full meals for months now and it showed: his already tiny frame was growing smaller and smaller each day.

If I eat, then I failed. If I failed, then I'm not perfect. If I'm not perfect, then I might as well be dead. Taehyun scribbled into his journal, completely unaware of Beomgyu's outburst.

Yeonjun laid a hand on the small boy's arm, causing him to flinch.

"Oh, sorry, Beomgyu hyung. I'm not hungry at the moment. I ate before, in my room," Taehyun smiled, pushing his plate away.

"No, you didn't," Hueningkai muttered under his breath. The boys remained quiet for the rest of the meal, no one daring to say anything as Taehyun furiously wrote down number after number and thought after thought into his little notebook.

"Let's go get ice cream!" Kai had suggested, causing an uproar amongst the members. Taehyun smiled and joined in. He would go with them for the exercise since they were walking but there was no way he would eat that sugary treat!

The boys ran to get their shoes and jackets and met up by the front door. Beomgyu was the last one to arrive, claiming that he couldn't decide whether he wanted to wear a purple or blue sweatshirt.

"But, hyung, you're wearing green," Taehyun pointed out.

"Oh, haha, silly me! I guess I really couldn't decide purple or blue!" The rest of the group laughed but Taehyun narrowed his eyes. He had seen Beomgyu slip into the room he shared with Huening.

Beomgyu wiped his sweaty palms, hoping Taehyun wouldn't think too deeply into it. He had waited for Hueningkai and Taehyun to leave their room before slipping in and taking his journal to read for later. He knew Taehyun would never ask the others if they had seen or taken it due to the private information tucked inside.