Bewitched

Chapter 9

"Lord Jasper." I grin at him with a curtsey.

"Maggie!" He says happily. " I wondered when you'd show up."

"I'm not that late, its barely been five minutes. And besides isn't it worth it to see what those five minutes were used for?" I give a spin and don't mourn the steady pace of my heart as his gaze rakes over me.

"You always look stunning."

"Charmer," I say and hand him a basket I've packed full of fresh baked pastries.

He ushers me inside as he paws through the pastries, "You're too good to me."

"I know."

I sprawl myself across a couch and look up at him. I focus and look closer. He's all blue and red and green. All conflict. I'm tempted to look at his thoughts, not just his emotions but I push it down.

He forces me to sit up and collapses next to me. I turn his hand over and look over the lines crisscrossing his palms. They're as familiar to me as my own. I've looked over them a thousand times, analysing every inch in the hope of spying a future with him. Now I look at them and hope he gets a happy future. I press my hand against his and entangle our fingers. I lean against him and ask a question that I know will destroy any chance of me and him ending up together.

"You and Ilana have been avoiding each other. Why?"

I feel him tense and he tries to laugh away the question. "What are you talking about? No we haven't." 

I sigh. "Something happened when you and her came to the library. Whatever happened spooked you both and made Ilana barely see me for a week and then show up at the bakery after closing and cry into my arms. Whatever it is you have to tell me."

All the fight goes out of his shoulders and he collapses until he's lying with his head in my lap.

"I don't know. Everything was going so well. We were bonding, she was smiling and telling me tree facts and then on the way back I found a flower. It was a forget-me-not. I tucked behind her ear and she teased me about it. Next thing I know we were leaning closer, about to kiss when a pinecone fell and scared us a part."

"A pinecone!" I laugh.

"Oh sure. Laugh at my pain."

"I'm sorry." I say half-laughing and stroke his hair. "She probably just got nervous. You're very handsome."

This startles a laugh out of him. I've always loved the sound of his laugh. Its loud and snorting and completely unselfconscious. Its my favourite thing about him.

"She was also feeling guilty, because she thought I was still in love with you." His shoulders re-tense, but he doesn't interrupt. "Do you remember back when we were small and your parents used to bring you to the bakery?" He nods silently. "Well, one day we were playing and I tripped and skinned my knee on the cobblestones. And I was so scared and it hurt so bad, but you were so calm. I remember feeling that calmness and it gave me something to focus on. You bandaged my knee and you kissed it better and-" I laugh quietly, "And that was the nicest thing anyone other than my family had ever done for me. People were always wary of me, but you weren't. You were my first friend and it was so easy to be in love you."

His shoulders untense, but he still holds himself too still so I keep talking. 

"But you're also one of my best friends and I love you and want you to be happy. We wouldn't be happy together, I can't stand being quiet long enough to read and you burn everything you try to cook." He gives a soft laugh. "I love you and I probably going to still be in love with you for a little while longer, but I don't want to stop you from being with the person you want to be with."

The last of the tension leaves him and he collapses in my lap. "I don't know. It just-. I just-." He stops and takes a deep breath. "You said it was easy to be in love with me, but that doesn't seem true. I spend most of days locked in this library. I laugh too loud, I get too hung up on stupid things. I don't know how to talk to people."

"You're talking to me."

He sits up frustrated, "No, I mean I don't know how to fill up the empty space." He makes big gestures as though he can show me what he can't find the words for. "I-." He pauses and starts again quieter. I can just barely hear him. "I talk loud about stuff no one cares about and the more they don't care the bigger the space between us gets and I try to fill it, but I don't have the words to fill it. The only person I don't have to do that with is you... and Ilana." He says her name soft and unsure and with a warmth the hurts my heart and heals it.

"You don't have to be good with everyone. It doesn't matter if you don't have the words for some strangers who don't care as long as you have the words for the people who do. You're a good person who deserves good things and I hope you get them." I stand up and pull him with me, "But you're not going to get them sitting here with me. Grab your coat."

"Where are we going?"

"The bakery. Ilana should be there waiting up for me. I think its time you two had a talk with someone that isn't me."

"Oh no. I can't go there now. Its late, its probably best if we do it later." He tries to walk away, but I grab his wrist.

"No. No running away, no procrastinating. I love you , but you need to do this. Either you talk and are happy together or you're not and you both get to find someone else someone who'll make you happy. But that won't happen if you stay huddled up here, too scared to get what you want."

"Okay." He looks scared, but determined. He entwines our fingers and grins at me. "Lets go."

***

Not one of my smartest plans even I have to admit. I thought for sure just being in the same room as each other would be enough, but it seems that I don't have as good of a grasp on emotions as I thought.

We had been sitting gathered around one of my bakery tables for about an hour now and as much as I try to spark conversation the answers I get are monosyllabic.

"So..." I say bringing out the big guns. "Does anyone have any thoughts on the mining industry?" This is usually enough to set Jasper up for an hour and yet he barely even looks up from his tea. Ilana is little better and manages to look up from the muffin she's ripping up to shoot me a look that's half-confusion half-betrayal.

"That's it!" I push myself up from the table and stomp to the door. "You're both unbelievable! If you want to act children fine, we'll see how long you can keep this up when you only have each other for company." I unlock the door and step outside. "I'm going to leave you two here until opening tomorrow!"

And with those last words I lock them in and so I don't lose my nerve I avoid the kicked-puppy looks they send me and I walk away.