Pheromones (editing)

01

Ivey
• welcome to New York •

Walking in the streets at midnight after buying a cheap pack of cigarettes, just thinking about how exciting that I'm leaving this place.

Ever since I was a little girl, I always wanted to move out. I never actually enjoyed living here, mostly because my dad lives here and I want to be as far as I could away from him,
Him and his wife...

I'm ready to leave.

The cloudy blue-black sky, I love these peaceful nights. It was colder than I expected when I stepped out of the house, and I forgot to bring a jacket when I needed it.

My black chunky boots make sounds every time I take a step. Inhaling the smoke, feeling the hot fog in my lungs.

Devon is next to me, talking about her boyfriend and talking about all the things she loves about him.

the way she speaks about him is disgusting, you could tell that they're deeply in love with each other to the point where it's actually sickening.

She decided early today that I should say my final goodbye to the town. we spend the whole day revisiting our favorite spots. I actually had fun, I'm gonna miss hanging out with her.

at midnight when she took off, I went to my special spot in this whole town. My safe place.

my mom's childhood home.

The treehouse was her favorite place growing up. she used to hide from her parents thinking that they won't find her.

It was her place to escape, and now it's mine too.

This place was there a long time ago, I don't know how it's able to stay still. Nobody remembers that place, I think people think that it's hunted...

Walking by the house, you would know that nobody lives there.

nobody notices that I came here almost every night when I can't sleep.

Nobody knows that I sleep on her bed, feeling the safest.

I sleep there more than I sleep in my actual room.

It's only a ten-minute walk from my dad's house.

I've been living with my dad for twenty years. I need to get out and just live somewhere far away from them. I want to move to New York, it's my dream. I decided that I wanted to move there because I felt like I lost myself here. I don't how it happened. I was there, then I wasn't.

So maybe the solution is to start over.

I feel like living without my toxic dad and his wife is really going to fix me...

I just want to forget who I was before moving to New York.
I wanna give myself a second chance to live.

After a month of convincing them that I should move to New York, they finally agreed. I don't know why it took them that long to decide, they literally don't want me here. Maybe they're scared that I'm gonna be happy living my life and that scared them.

"Ivey being happy? No way, I'm not gonna let that happen''

Even though I don't go out of my room. It's like I'm not even living with them.

.

I'm looking for the book that my grandma gave me but I couldn't find it, I'm starting to get anxious.

"Please, I need to find you" I whispered to myself.

After looking for half an hour, I finally found it. I looked everywhere, twice. It's a really important item in my life.

I ran downstairs, yelling that I'm ready.
I'm really excited, I'm moving to New York.

In the backseat of my dad's car. He and his wife are arguing like always, not surprised. I put on my headphones to ignore what's happening right now. The song was really loud that I didn't notice that someone was calling my name until my headphones were pulled out of my ears.

What the fuck.

" you're chewing the gum loudly"

I know, I did it to annoy you bitch.

My dad got married again when I turned 15, his wife who really hates me. But I don't mind it, the feelings are mutual. But she and my dad can't get rid of me because of my grandma, she's the boss.

My grandma is very protective of me.
She knows that I've been through a lot because of them.

I was on my phone texting my best friend Zayn, he was telling me that everything is alright, and if I arrived at my apartment I should text him. Zayn is the reason that I didn't punch my dad in the face. Without him I would be dead, buried under Catherine and dad's bed. Or the opposite.

finally arriving at the airport. I took my suitcase and stood next to dad's car, Catherine just rolled the window down and waved while rolling her eyes.

I don't know why but I expected something more than waving...

I've never been to an airport alone. I don't know where to go. I kept texting Zayn updating him about every move I make.

I got bored waiting for my flight, I went to a cafe at the airport and bought a hot coffee.

I kept thinking about how my life is going to change.
I really hope for the best.

I sat in my chair again. And saw that Theodore texted me, I opened the text and saw that he just told me to have a safe flight. I smiled at my phone and closed it.

Me and Theodore are still close after the breakup. we dated for 5 months maybe but didn't break up because something bad happened, we just thought we were better-being friends. I wasn't really sexually attracted to him as I should...

He was a nice guy, the type that would make you feel like you'll never be good enough for him. That's why I'm scared of nice guys.

But I loved how I controlled him.
It's an amazing feeling, to control someone.

He also used to hate it when I smoke, I told him if he really cares about me, he shouldn't care about me smoking.

and his dad hates me, he thinks that I'm a bad influence on his perfect son. who doesn't know how to make a girl orgasm.

Eventually, we arrived in New York, The city that never sleeps.

after One fucking hour of just looking for a cab, I finally found one. In the backseat of the car, I put on my headphones listening to songs while looking out the window.

New York is a beautiful city.

I'm in love with the city. I feel like you can just be yourself here and nobody gonna judge you.

.

I step off the elevator towards my apartment door, it felt like forever just walking to reach the door. The second I unlocked my apartment door I sighed happily, My new home.

I'm living alone in New York. The day that I waited for has finally come.

I closed the door and throw the key on the kitchen table.

It's afternoon and I'm exhausted.

I just threw my bags on the floor next to the mattress. I jumped onto my mattress on the floor, I drifted to sleep the second my head hit the pillow.

Hello, to my new life.