The Irrevocable Us

Chapter 4

Leo sat on the edge of the bed as he unbuttoned the first two buttons of his polo. It was a gesture he always made to relieve some built-up anger and compose himself. He clasped his hands together and looked up to me. I flinched when he smiled.

"Lisa, from this moment on, I do not want to hear any lies coming from you." That was a warning. I knew that he wouldn't hurt me physically but I also knew that his words were sharper and more painful.

I walked towards the drawer and brought out both the pen and notebook. I gripped at them, trying to absorb any courage lingering around me. His eyes followed me, watching every move I made and it tensed me that little by little, my built-up courage started to feel like it was slowly being chipped away.

Still, I knelt in front of him and laid the notebook and pen between us. Before any words could be spoken, I flipped on the first page and showed it to him. My throat suddenly went dry and I couldn't find my voice, making my heart beat faster in anxiousness. If I kept on being quiet, he would get confused and if I won't answer his questions, he might hate me more than he already had so I had to say something.

I had to, at least, confess everything not only for my sake but also for his. Other than me being trapped in the hell I created, Leo was in here, too, because I pushed him into this world of confusion and pain.

"Is that the so-called notebook where one can write his own destiny?" he finally asked.

He didn't sound mad or stern but somehow, it still gave me the chills. I already expected that he was aware of the possible existence of this notebook since it had been talked about for years, but now that he asked me, I felt scared.

I simply answered him with a nod. However, before I could speak another word, he grabbed the notebook and set his eyes on every entry I wrote. He was quiet as he read through the pages and all I could do was wait. My heart thumped crazily and to control my nervousness, I clenched my fists tight until my nails dug into my flesh.

With the silence covering us, I could hear the ticking of the clock that sounded like a ticking bomb. Leo's expression didn't change much. He was only wearing his poker face so it became harder to guess what he had in mind.

But who am I kidding? Even if he looked like that, for sure, his hatred towards me would just grow. He had the right to get mad and loathe me since I was the reason why Gianna died. It was because of me that he never got the chance to have a happy ending with her.

"So." That was the very first word he said after almost one hour of silence. He closed the notebook and looked at me with a serious gaze.

"This is the source of all this confusion," he stated. There was no hint of anger in his tone of voice. He didn't glare at me. He didn't look at me with scornful eyes.

He simply looked down and I was taken by surprise when he started to speak more than he did before.

"Gianna," he said in almost of a whisper, "is the one, up until now, that still holds my heart, Lisa."

I already knew that fact but hearing it directly from him was more painful than I thought it would.

"She was an orphan. You know that, too. She may look tough on the outside but she had a fragile heart. I knew that from the very start, that's why I was always careful. We seldom fight but things just got weird. Sometimes, my body would act on its own even though my mind was thinking something different. Do you remember that one time, when Gianna came storming into the library? That was the very first fight we had."

He paused. I saw him tighten his grip on the notebook before speaking yet again.

"We managed to resolve it and I thought everything was going to be okay." He shook his head. "I was wrong. Out of nowhere, I just proposed to you and Gianna even witnessed that. I saw her begging on her knees and I wasn't able to do anything. I promised her, Lisa. I promised her that I'd build a home for her and our children. I promised her that I would have her walk the altar and I would be waiting at the end of the red carpet. But just with this notebook, just with that pen, everything didn't go the way it should."

I could feel it. I could feel his pain, which he endured for so long. He never lifted his gaze at me because his eyes were overflowing with tears. This was the very first time I saw him like this. His shoulders quivered as he sobbed in front of me.

I reached out to him and clasped his hands while I was still on my knees.

"I... I'm so s-sorry, Leo," I cried. "I'm so sorry. It's...It's all my fault... I'm so sorry."

He didn't say anything. All he did was cry and it was unbearable for me to see him in such a state. His pain, his sorrow, they were all because of me and now, I couldn't do anything to ease his burden. I didn't want him to be like this. I'll do anything. I'll do anything to make him feel better. If I had to leave, I was more than willing to do so. I'll set him free if that would make him feel better even just for a tiny bit.

Just please, please... Let Leo be free from this crushing pain.