The Irrevocable Us

Chapter 5

"Miss Lisa, we'll be starting in 5 minutes."

I simply nodded. This was my very first time to be in this kind of event so my heart couldn't help but thump like crazy and butterflies continued to flutter inside my stomach. I looked around-the staff walked here and there in preparation for the big event and the tension did not fail to pressure me.

My nerves were on edge. It felt like at any moment, I might faint out of nervousness. Still, I hoped that wouldn't happen or it'll be a huge mess.

"Here's your pen." My editor handed me a personalized box, housing a fountain pen with my name carved on it. It was of the same look as that magical pen before. My nervousness slowly faded with just the look of it.

As I got out from the backstage and sat on the chair in front of thousands of people queuing, I couldn't help but mix my excitement with nervousness yet again. It was a different feeling. I wasn't used to it yet. The first person stepped forward and laid a white book on the table. It resembled my white notebook and even though it wasn't the real thing, the bittersweet memories came rushing back. From the moment I got ahold of the magical notebook and pen to the time I met Leo. From the moment I got chained and trapped in my own delusions up to the moment when I finally got to let Leo free from my grasp.

I opened the book and scribbled my signature, as well as leaving the lesson I learned from my past-'Your happy ending is my happy ending.' It took years of torment and pain before I came to realize and accept that. Now that I had experienced such pain, I wouldn't want others to repeat that same mistake.

After that confrontation with Leo, after seeing him break down with my own two eyes, I was devastated. I never realized how evil I had become just because I was able to manipulate my fate with just a scribble on a notebook. It was unfair to him. I couldn't turn back time to undo all the things I did so all I could do after that event was to free him and myself. I was dwelling in the past, even up until this moment, but unlike before, I was compensating today. At least, I hope that was what I was doing.

"I really love your book, Miss Lisa," said one of the attendees, "because it helped me move on."

Hearing such words directly from them and not just by reading their letters, softened my heart. This was what I wanted-to make other people realize that accepting their mistakes and doing the right thing would free them from the maze of pain.

"Thank you." That was all I could say. I was afraid that if I said another word, I would break into tears, which would be quite unsightly in front of the crowd.

Signature after signature, I could feel my hand ache but with just a few shakes, it felt better. How can it not feel good when a lot of people spared their time to come to this book signing? I was a bit preoccupied that I didn't get to look at the next person. I simply flipped the book and started to sign.

"Your story has become popular."

Hearing that familiar voice, I immediately looked up. I met his gaze, but this time, his eyes weren't filled with pain or sorrow or hatred unlike before. Instead, I saw relief. I flashed a smile and he did the same. Next time... next time, I want to see happiness in his hazelnut-colored eyes.

"But I rather call it our story," I chuckled. I looked away because my tears started to well up. I just feel a bit relieved.

"That does sound better."

I handed him the book and with a smile plastered on his face, he accepted it.

"See you next time, Lisa."

"See you next time, Leo."

I watched his back as he walked away. Even though he forgave me after all the things I did, it seemed that it was I who couldn't come to completely forgive myself. I think that I didn't deserve such a thing like that. After my confession years ago, he simply told me the pain and confusion he was going through all throughout the time he was with me. He didn't raise his voice. He didn't raise his hand on me. He simply spoke and after everything, he still told me that he forgave me.

Not only that, when I consulted him about making this book, he didn't hesitate to give his permission and even helped me write it. For me, Leo was more than a blessing. Hence, I wish and pray that he will eventually find happiness. However, the bitter truth of us being still married cannot be erased because of my last entry. He was still tied to me even though we now live in different houses. That tie was a permanent scar to him that, no matter what, I cannot remove. It will forever remind me that that mistake I made was beyond repair-a lesson that I will bring to my grave.

After the book signing, I got home all by myself. Opening the door of this new home gave me new hope as well. It was quiet and almost empty, but seeing the white notebook and pen on top of the table reminded me that it was filled with a lot of emotions, memories, and mistakes.

As I shut the door behind me, I felt the faint coldness in between my fingers. It was the ring that Leo gave me. I clutched it close to my chest. He may not be the man for me but my heart will always be his. That fact will not change.

Drops of tears ran down my cheeks, racing against each other.

"Your happy ending is my happy ending."

I continued to repeat those words to soothe myself.