Without You

Chapter Four

I know I haven't updated in a long time, and I'm sorry. I got a lot going on, but I tried writing this chapter! I wanted to thank everyone who read this story, thank you very much! Don't blame me if this chapter turns out awful, so here you go :)

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Chapter Four: Warning Signs

The weather was gloomy and cold, just like how I felt. It might have stopped raining, but I could see the dark clouds hovering above us. The whole drive to Starbucks, I was silent; watching the world pass by in a blur. Natalie tried to converse with me, urging me to talk, but I didn't have anything to say. What am I supposed to say?

We took a table to the right corner, next to a window. I sat, silently enjoying the chocolate muffin and cappuccino, staring at Natalie and Ryan as they chattered and giggled among themselves. The longer I watched them, the more I realized how much they liked each other, maybe even more. The way his arm wrapped protectively around her, how they couldn't stop smiling every time they look at each other, and the way her eyes sparkles in happiness and adoration.

My heart clenched agonizingly at the sight of them. It pained me to see them like this. They looked so happy together, and I'm just here, all alone. I felt like a third wheel, an intruder, I shouldn't be here.

I would be lying if I said I didn't envy their relationship. They were together, no distance tearing them apart. They can see each other every day, nothing is standing in their way. They can be together without having any issues.

Why couldn't Noah be like Ryan? Why couldn't he reject every scholarship he got and stayed here? Why can't he see how much suffering he is causing me?

I immediately shook my head away from the crazy thoughts. What's wrong with me? I shouldn't be thinking like that, it was selfish of me to. It was his choice to go, his choice to follow his dreams, not mine. It's his life, not mine. He can do whatever he wants.

But it hurts, so damn much. The thought of him being so far away truly kills me, like someone is stabbing me in the gut repeatedly. I couldn't stop the selfish, egotistical thoughts from seeping into my head, and screwing me over. I had to remind myself, I wasn't his girlfriend, I wasn't his best friend. Actually, I don't know who I am to him, but it doesn't matter.

I bet he already has someone else. Pretty, smart, funny, and so much better than me. I can imagine them going on dates, watching movies and cuddling on the coach, making out.

"Juliet, what did that muffin ever do to you?" Natalie stated, as she stared pitifully at the crushed, chocolate muffin.

"Oh" My muffin. I sighed sadly.

"I-I'll go clean myself, excuse me," I hurriedly got up before Natalie would offer to join me, or help me, and rushed to the ladies' restroom. I turned on the tap of the washbasin, and the coldness of the water attacked my skin. My once sticky hands were eventually chocolate-free. I closed off the tap, stopping the flow of the water, and stared at myself in the mirror.

I was met with a pair of dull brown eyes, with dark circles under them. My skin was pale as the white walls surrounding me. The emptiness and hollowness my eyes held scared me, there was no trace of emotion. I couldn't believe the person staring back at me was the same person I had grown to be for the past several years. This isn't me, this is someone else. This is someone who had their soul murdered coldblooded.

Over some guy who never had trouble to just walk out on you.

How could I let him affect me like this? How could I let him get into my head? Why am I letting him torture me? Since when did I depend this much on him?