I dream every night. When it comes to dreams, I am a bit perculiar. I dream vividly. I can lucid dream, and slightly Astro project. I thought it was worth it to record my bizarre dreams and reflect on them.
"Sometimes even to live is an act of courage." - Lucius Annaeus Seneca
"I can't eat and I can't sleep. I'm not doing well in terms of being a functional human, you know?"- Ned Vizzini
Sometimes it's not enough to keep going on. Sometimes those words of encouragement mean nothing. Sometimes we have given up.
When I say "I can't do this." I mean it with everything in me. Family, nor society will let me give up. However, in the end it's my choice.
I have faith. This makes me consider my thoughts on suicide, but even my faith isn't enough at times.
I am always sick, physically and mentally. It is exhausting. Not much of an escape through dreams anymore.
My anxiety has different waves of what triggers me. For about two weeks straight I had nightmares EVERY TIME I went to sleep. The designated time I am supposed to be recharging and looking forward to feeling revitalized, instead I am being tortured.
When no one knows your battles, nothing is ever enough.
How can you tell a person to keep going and don't give up, when they have already bargained with the Lord to take their life away?
You can't tell me how to feel. Even the Lord knows I do not want to be here.
I question why he keeps me. I've begged for him to let me die because I did not want to have to do it myself.
Sometimes enough is enough.
When the world is confusing and hard to comprehend, sometimes "finding your passion." is not enough.
No one ever knows what to say when you tell them you don't have a passion.
My passion are the people I love, and after my father's untimely death, I realized even the things I love the most are temporary.
What a fucked up life to live in. Why? Why must everything I love deep to my core vanish? Life seems so cruel. I can't take much more.
My passion still lies within my loved ones. When they expire, so will I.
Is it not enough for me to get on my heads and knees and scream for relief? It is not enough to want to give up my life? Is it not enough that I have cried gallons of tears?
Don't you dare say I didn't try.
Is it not enough that I have strengthened my faith? Is it not enough that I am vulnerable? It is not enough that I meditate and exercise?
I tried to heal, but it is not enough.
I don't know how to feel well. Everything scares me. I'm tired.
I was told to have confidence in myself. I do to an extent, but self acceptance is what I lack.
I don't think I deserve anything good. Even when things are great for me, they aren't. Why try to keep reaching my goals and these "good things" if I have given up on myself?
I'm afraid to see what true happiness looks like, because I don't think I can attain it. Not on my own.
Sometimes enough is enough. ————————————————————————✨ y o u a r e n o t a l o n e t h e r e i s a l w a y s s o m e o n e s t r u g g l i n g w i t h y o u ✨
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
