To Overcome

" please don't smile at me like that"

'it's dark' i was surrounded in black, there was nothing here. i felt so vulnerable i wanted out i wanted to leave, was i dead? was this my punishment for being a monster?. no your very much alive sadly, i flinched turning to locate the voice that had been terrorizing me since i was 7. ' who are you' i called out a sick laughter rang out through the darkness, it was everywhere i wanted to run. ' WHO ARE YOU' i yelled my voice booming. 

but the laughter continued, the laughter morphed and i heard voices i recognized. it just continued to get louder, who am i? funny you would ask monster, you know you have been so mean to me~ ya know deku. the voice kept shifting, and i was plunged into memories 

i watched as my smaller self sat in the garden; a bird landed beside him. ' dont-' but he didn't listen in fact he stared right at me as his bright green eyes glowed and shone with an unnatural hunger. he grabbed the small defenseless creature, smiling as the bird struggled and squawked; but that did nothing as the boy sank his fangs into the creature ' please! , please' i begged my younger self and the voice to stop. but neither listened the pitiful sound that left the poor animal taunted me. i felt a disgusted stare on me, looking up i met the gaze of my father monster, he whispered before disappearing.my younger self stood and pointed at me.

looking down i was covered in the birds blood, the birds cold dead eyes stared back at me. suddenly the scene shifted the birds eye became the terrified baby blue ones of yui as he cradled his bleeding wrist. his blood was fresh on my taste buds, i watched myself latch onto him once again biting him my teeth broke past his skin easily " izuku-kun, please let go PLEASE LET GO IZUKU-KUUUUNNNN I-I-ZUK......" his white wings were stained red with his blood. his eyes reflected exactly how he felt; betrayed, terrified, and the fear of death.

those eyes shifted to the teary cherry red ones of kirishima as i told him i wasn't his mate, to the hate filled eyes of bakugou " you better not be my mate DEKU" he shouted at me as his formed shifted to the one i saw in my middle school. those ruby passion filled eyes that i had come to love, those same eyes that only looked at me in hate and disgust. i ran leaving the scenes behind but where could i run they were everywhere fear filled ones of kids i beat mercessily in middle school the pitied filled ones of hizashi and aizawa.

they were everywhere no matter where i went, the words that plagued my mind everyday kept repeating themselves 

monster 

murderer

go take a  swan dive off the roof 

izuku-kun please stop, izuku please

i heard he killed his mom 

you think just because shitty hair wanted you, that i do? don't make me laugh

i just......i just don't want to die 

sometimes i can't even look at him 

i'll make sure you  never become a hero 

the image of all-might walking away, of aizawa taking a step away from me when i entered the classroom, i watched with absolute disgust as i tore my father's hand off; the smile that was on my face as i watched the man cower was probably what my mother meant by the look i get, i was a monster and it scared even me ' please, I've had enough please i beg you make it stop' izuku~

whipping my head around i had suddenly lost the will to run, dropping to my knees as my mothers figure approached me. izuku~ she was right in front of me that kind smile still on her face ' mom please, please help' i hugged her legs staring up at her, she bent down wiping tears i didn't even know was there oh hunny don't cry~ her smile never breaking ' mom please, don't smile at me like that, please stop smiling like that even though your looking at your murder'. her smile still never faltered her hands started feeling thinner and colder.