To Overcome

"she loved me more than herself "

izuku pov: age 15 

A droplet of water splashed my face as i stepped outside our house it was fitting weather for the occasion. in my hand was a bag of crimson roses and some cooked food for my mom and the cemetery worker. i had on black pants and a white dress shirt the walk was quiet i was alone with my thoughts the smell of fresh rain evading my senses. my dark green eyes watched as people ran past to get out of the rain and as families watched their children play rai and daichi followed me rain matting their fur. 

we reached the cemetery 30 minutes later Darlene the cemetery worker was waiting for me by the gates. i had been coming here since i was seven years old, of course she was shocked to see a crying seven year old trying to climb over the gates but understood when i told her my mom was in there. she was an old angel and mermaid hybrid aging beautifully ,her wings where a pearly white with gold accents making my own look dingy and monstrous. she has complimented them many times for their size and color giving me a head pat saying my mother must be proud to have such a strong and unique son. having lost her own i know she can relate to the pain of losing someone so dear.

" izuku it's nice to see you again how have you been? oh you got your pact animals oh goodness do you want an umbrella?" i shake my head no and hand her the wrapped food and she takes it smiling, wings shimmering with the rain i walk pass with a small smile she nods and i make my way to my mothers grave.

i get there sighing as the animals that have started to hang around when ever i stop pass are there two tailed cats and some miniature squirrels. i squat and they immediately flock toward me rai and daichi move towards them sniffing and letting out playful grunts. i turn away from the know wrestling bunch and wipe down my mother's grave making sure to change out the batteries to the lights i had hanging up. taking out the now dead flowers and replacing them with the fresh ones i open the peach moon set tea my mother always drank it was disgusting but she always said it left her feeling refreshed and peaceful.

i took out the  chicken and spicy rice stuffed dim sums i had made this morning they were her favorite. giving the animals the rest of the chicken i didn't cook along with a huge bowl of fruit salad. turning back to the grave i open my own food sitting on the ground taking off my glasses so i can feel her body below the ground. " hey its uhh it's me again" i pause I never really am prepared to talk to her like this " i turned 15 funny right i wasn't expecting to last this long  and to be honest i don't think i wanted to" the animals sit around me " i got my pact animals and I'm not with Hisashi anymore he's uhh he's going to jail pretty soon i think " a knot gets stuck in my throat " i hope you don't hate me for getting your mate arrested I'm sorry for hurting him i just- it hurt ..... it hurt alot but i deserved it and i know i do" i could feel the tears rolling down my face and hated myself for crying.

" im sorry you wasted your life having something like me but I'm trying to be better of course I'll always be a monster but just for a little while even if you hate me just let me stay alright sadly this is the only place i can be like this" i dry chuckle through the tears. my food now cold i burned the dishes people say the smoke feeds the dead so i make sure to do this every month bringing snacks and such. the rain had gotten a lot heavier i stared at the grave as water poured down my face my own tears getting lost the feeling of her body below me with no pulse wrapped thorn's around my heart.

the stray animals left once the rain got too heavy and rai and daichi wandered off i knew since i couldn't feel them in the area anymore. " sometimes i can't remember the sound of your voice and other times i can't bear to look at your face you were always smiling - you smiled at me even though you knew it was my fault" the thorns wrapped tighter making me clutch my chest " i want to smile but i - i can't i cant smile for you in fact i couldn't do anything for you" i couldn't in the end i was useless i can barely even help myself what am i even good for ' nothing..... nothing? yes nothing a useless monster like you should just die i should just die yes just do everyone a favor and just burn .....burn yea burn i should burn and die '.