Deranged // Taekook

Chapter Two

Before therapy, Jungkook relied on isolation.

Isolation, for him, meant safety — something he never truly felt during his childhood. And after he was forced to be homeschooled for the third and last time, Jungkook slowly pushed himself into a box where it was just him and his complex emotions.

Isolation didn't cause anxiety or fear, coming out of isolation is what caused it.

Jungkook could handle himself while in isolation because he knew exactly what he wanted: cleanliness, order, and safety — those three things were the base of his entire life. And his comfortable apartment offered all of that which equalled clean skin, ordered thoughts, safety from people, and emotions that were in touch with his thoughts.

But one couldn't just stay away from society their whole life, though Jungkook wished he could. There were times he would lie to his therapist; he'd make up an elaborate lie about what he'd do that day and tell his therapist when in reality, he spent his time at home.

However, of course, Dr. Irel was a professional at reading between the lines and seeing the hidden message — he knew when Jungkook lied. And he'd let him continue with the lies for a bit only for Jungkook to wake up to a nurse knocking on his door for a wellness check.

Jungkook could spend days inside of his house — whether he had food or not. His therapist described those days as "spiralling days" which was when Jungkook himself didn't realize he was spiralling and was forcing himself into a delusion to fight back constant anxiety which would only result into more anxiety once he came out of his delusion. So to avoid the nurse coming to check on his well-being and more unneeded and unwanted anxiety, Jungkook made a schedule.

Sunday - stay home
Monday - planned activity
Tuesday - planned activity
Wednesday - stay home
Thursday - planned activity
Friday - planned activity
Saturday - planned activity

Today was Tuesday and his planned activity for today was going to the library as he had told his doctor the day before.

He was nervous as he tugged on his black gloves that matched his completely normal outfit. He fit in well in society with appearance — just as he imagined Red. The gloves looked as though they were a fashion choice and the coat he decided to wear made the gloves look well with his outfit as well — most people wouldn't bat an eye unless he was wearing normal blue or clear latex gloves.

He grabbed his day bag which consisted of just his laptop, a book, more gloves, Clorox and Lysol wipes, hand sanitizer, stress ball, and a paper with emergency contacts (just his mother, father, and doctor) just in case something happened while he was in public.

Just the thought of him having an episode in public made his blood run cold and the sudden urge to go against his schedule and stay home hit him.

Jungkook took a deep breath, balling his slightly shaking hands in a fist. He closed his eyes before deciding that he was ready to leave and picking his bag up from his bed. He felt his pockets for his keys and his phone and when he deemed everything in place, he finally walked out of his room.

His apartment wasn't huge by any means, but it was comfortable and spacious for one person. It was equipped with a nice sized living room, a small kitchen, one bedroom, an ensuite bathroom, and a semi-walk-in closet. He had little furniture because the less he had, the easier it was to clean and it offered more space.

He lived on the fifth floor — a fairly quiet floor with people who minded their own business; most of the building's residents minded their own business which is what Jungkook liked the most about it.

He enjoyed living alone because he didn't have to worry about being bullied or treated differently by his parents for his abnormal behaviour.

Jungkook stepped out onto the concrete, taking a deep breath as he moved away from the doors and merged in with the people around him, being careful to not brush against them. He pushed his arms closer to his body to refrain from people touching him. He reacted violently to skin-to-skin contact but even someone touching his clothes could give him bone-chilling and stomach-dropping anxiety that filled with him dread which ultimately lead to a breakdown.