earning it back // chaelisa

chapter 2: looking for (and loosing) hope

"Did I tell you about our new literature teacher? Jeon ... something." Chaeyoung grasps at the memory that feels just out of reach as she sinks further down on Jisoo's couch, propping her feet up on the coffee table. He had introduced himself on Monday, right before first period, when all the teachers were still in varying degrees of falling asleep, so it's a bit fuzzy. And maybe, having three beers before dinner hadn't been Chaeyoung's greatest idea, "Jeon Jungkook, I think?"

Jisoo gives her a pointed look. "You say his last name like that's the thing that'll make me realize I know him," she mocks Chaeyoung as she shuffles forward to snatch the remote from the coffee table, clenching her jaw and gripping her thigh as she stretches. Her leg must be hurting like hell. "Is he cute?"

Winter in Canada makes Jisoo have more bad days than good ones. Most days, she'll grunt, grit her teeth, power through the pain and the odd stares she gets, take a hot bath in the evening to help her strained muscles. Sometimes the pain gets too much and she can't even get up from bed - those are the days Chaeyoung can't look at herself in the mirror.

But after being friends for a while, Chaeyoung knows better than to try and do things for her. If Jisoo needs help, she'll ask for it; if she doesn't explicitly asks, it's better to leave her the fuck alone - Chaeyoung learned that lesson the hard way. She still remembers Jisoo screaming at her in the middle of the kitchenware section of Target, her eyes filled with so much anger that Chaeyoung is still pretty sure she was two minutes away from throwing her leg brace at her hard enough to break a bone.

The Friends marathon they were watching is over, so Jisoo browses through the channels, looking for something to watch. Chaeyoung watches the channels changing way too fast for her to register anything and takes another swig from her beer, answering Jisoo's question, "I guess so, but he's also very much engaged."

"Aw, damn it! The good ones are always taken," Jisoo teases her, paying half attention to their conversation as she settles on a cooking show where the judges are way meaner than they should be.

Now it's Chaeyoung's turn to give her a pointed look. "And you say that as if either of us would make a move if he weren't," Chaeyoung rolls her eyes and turns back to the TV, assuming the talk about going after cute literature teachers is over. Jisoo has been living with Jennie for years , long enough for them to have joined bank accounts and argue over who's doing the dishes on a daily basis, giving any old married couple a run for their money. And Chaeyoung, well-

"You could," Jisoo says in a more serious tone than Chaeyoung had expected her to, like she really thinks Chaeyoung should be out there, trying her luck with any beautiful person that comes her way.

Chaeyoung sighs. They had agreed from the start that talking about her love life, or lack thereof, was a definite no-no - the last thing she needs is Jisoo turning stones Chaeyoung doesn't know how to explain. But it's only a matter of time before Jisoo gets tired of it and starts setting Chaeyoung up on blind dates.

She knows Jisoo means well, but that doesn't make it any easier to think about, "You know I wouldn't."

Tilting her mostly empty beer bottle this way and that, Jisoo studies her through narrowed eyes, "Are you telling me there was no one in all those years?" Chaeyoung chooses that moment to become completely engrossed in the process of searing meat and not answer that question - no, she's not saying that , but there's a difference between picking someone up at a bar to warm her bed for a night and finding someone to build a family with. But her silence seems like answer enough for Jisoo, "God, you are so screwed."

"I know that," Chaeyoung says, because she does. There's a pile of bricks resting on her chest that is constantly threatening to break her ribs, but thinking about Lisa makes it harder to breathe under all the weight. "Can we move on?"