Only angel

Chapter 2 - nervous

***
One week later

Its been a week of hell, loneliness and more depression.
All thanks to me and my sick brain. And no that wasn't meant in a complimentary way.

I haven't done anything all week. Ive been at home, working out because i have to, smoking because its the only thing i can find comfort in. But right now its Friday the 5th of April and i am on my way to a photoshoot for Calvin kleins summer collection coming out in a few months.

I would usually try to start a conversation with max, my driver, but i feel too tired to speak. Like how your whole body feels in the morning when you're too tired to get out of bed.

"You're quiet today miss." I hear max say from the front. His voice joyful as ever. I wish i could be that positive and kind everyday. I look up to max in that respect.

"Yeah sorry i didn't sleep well." I fake laugh off. I slept perfectly fine. Actually thats all i seem to be doing lately. Sleeping, training for shoots and runways,smoking and repeating.

"You and i both know, Bailey , you sleep like a baby." He says with a matter of fact expression looking back at me through the rearview mirror. "Whats going on darling?"

"Oh you know. Work stress and life stress. the usual" i state keeping it vague as he pulls up to the wear house that the shoot is taking place in.

The one thing im happy about is that I didn't have to fly anywhere for this shoot. I hate planes and when my agency told me this was taking place in london i was relieved to say the least.

"Here you are miss, i will see you when you leave. Ive been told you have a diner tonight that i will be taking you to?" Max says with a warm smile. Wow i love him. Im just shite at showing emotions so he probably thinks i hate him. Great!

"Yes i know about that. Thank you very much max. Have a safe journey back ill see you in a little while!" I say. Trying to sound as pleasant as possible and offering a small smile.

I open the door and walk out into the cool, english, spring weather. When i shut the door behind me i wave goodbye and make a start for the two doors ahead of me.

They are large and an ashy stone colour. Just looking at them makes my nerves pick up and I contemplate turning around. I hate that i get like this before any job i have.

Im so nervous. Like that type of nervous where you feel like you're gonna throw up and shit yourself at the same time. Like the butterfly's in your stomach are hurting instead of fluttering.

I swing the door open with my now sweaty hand and try to push away what im feeling like i do every time. It doesn't help but it will be okay once im in front of a camera. I dont know why im the most comfortable when im in front of one.

Must be the narcissist in me huh.

As soon as i get into the building i hear a booming voice and i look to the chair its coming from.

"Girl! You are two minutes late." I start to shake again but this time out of anger. I hate my job sometimes. Although i really shouldn't. i should feel like the luckiest girl in the world. I wish i did.

"Go to the hair and make up station and if you are not back in, at the least, 20 minutes you've lost the shoot and the job." The director, im guessing, shouts again with his back still turned to me in a chair.

I just know today is going to be long.

*12 hours later*

Its now around 7:30pm and im finally leaving my shoot. Despite all my bad luck i got ready in 10 minutes and ended up being in the front of most shots and having more individuals taken than any other model there.