Never enough

Part one

Skipping meals wasn't something he was doing on purpose- not at the start anyway. It started because he was stressed they all were. Most of the time he'd just forget. Breakfast is often said to be the most important meal of the deal, except, he was never hungry first thing in the morning. Skipping breakfast, soon turned into skipping lunch, without Maxwell even noticing. It just happened. He stopped eating with his friends, or if he did, he'd play with it and take small mouthfuls now and again. No one ever really noticed, too busy with the calculated conversation. Before Maxwell knew it, he was stuck in this cycle of not eating enough.

It wasn't a problem right? He just skipped a few meals, he still ate though. There's nothing wrong with him, right? He's just not hungry, that's all it is.

That's how Maxwell tried to explain it all away; just not being hungry. But the exercise? The calorie counting? How could he explain that away?

Maxwell had been chubby at one point in his life. Most kids go through that puppy fat faze. He knew how to lose weight in a healthy way. He knew what he needed to eat to stay healthy, and have a balanced diet...so why wasn't he doing that?

He's not hungry.

The times he'd said that had been countless. He'd used that excuse so many times. 'I'm not hungry', 'I already ate', 'I had a big lunch'- these were all phrases that he hands in his arsenal. All the excuses he used.

He never noticed that it was spiralling out of his control, that it was sinking its claws in and the more time it was left to fester, it was going become more and more of a battle to shake it off.

***

Maxwell stepped into the palace gym for what? The second? third time today? He'd gotten into a routine of coming earlier in the morning, avoiding the guards that often came here and Liam and Drake, who often came to work out, or spar with each other.

He'd been feeling off all day. He'd been dizzy since he got out of bed, feeling light and wobbly on his feet, despite his ailments, he pushed himself anyway. He couldn't give up. Not now. Not yet.

He froze in the doorway when he noticed Drake and Liam in there. Liam was in the far corner doing push-ups, and Drake doing chin-ups on the pull-up bar on the other side of the gym to Liam. Maxwell couldn't stop the tears pricking at his eyes as he looked at both men's ridiculously muscular figures.

Why couldn't he look like that?

Maxwell cleared his throat, rubbing at his eyes and stepped inside. "Hey, guys!" he exclaimed, putting on his usual happy go lucky persona.

Maxwell placed his bag and water bottle down beside a bench as Liam and Drake stopped what they were doing, walking over to greet their friend.

"Since when do you come to the gym, Beaumont?" Drake asked, running the towel Liam had just handed him through his damp hair.

Maxwell laughed nervously, trying not to stare at both men's well defined chiselled abs, as he joked about everyone needs to get some exercise a day.

He hadn't always been jealous of them- they're his friends, but Maxwell couldn't help but to feel, almost less than them because of his appearance. His face wasn't the problem, no the problem was his body. He wasn't fat, it wasn't that he needed to lose weight, but it was the lack of muscle that bothered him.

His body wasn't considered the most attractive body type.

It was a little later, Maxwell was on the treadmill. It was going faster than he was able to keep up with. His legs felt like they were made of jelly beneath him, his knees threatened to buckle. He wasn't so good at listening to his body anymore, but he knew if he continued, he was going to pass out. He couldn't risk Drake or Liam finding out. They couldn't know.