hello, anon | salia

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i think i've done something wrong. my messages have gone unanswered for nearly three days now and i'm starting to get worried...mj i hope you see this and i hope you're alright and that you know that i miss talking to you...because i do.

i'm sorry if i scared you away...it was the last thing i wanted to do. i think i moved too quickly...i'm sorry. 

i'm sorry, i'm sorry, i'm sorry, i'm sorry. i miss you so much. 

mj if you see this, please comment. please message. i miss you. 

simon. 

-

i glance over at my laptop in frustration, opening our private chat. nearly twenty delivered messages from me to her, and she hasn't even read any of them. 

her upload day was tomorrow...maybe she'd just had a busy week?

why was i even so caught up on this, anyway? how was it that one anonymous person from the internet had caused me to become so dependent? dependent on them for my happiness?

maybe she thought i was too clingy and wanted to get away for a while. i wouldn't blame her. i seemed to be like this for everyone. just someone who got in the way. 

a knock on my door. again. 

"whoever it is, just go away. i'm not in the mood," i call out, shutting down my laptop anyway because i knew it was no use telling these guys. 

"simon?" a voice called out. i was expecting it to be jj, but it wasn't. this sparked my attention. 

"vik?" i called out, sitting up now. 

"yeah, it's me. can i come in?"

"you're going to, regardless of what i say," i replied, waiting expectantly. i knew what his reaction would be in advance. they were all the same. 

the second he laid eyes on m room, his expression hardened, then softened straight after. 

"simon, i had no idea it was this bad," he said quietly. 

"yeah, well, now you know. please, vik. i don't want to talk about it," i say quickly, already regretting not being more firm. 

"you say that every time, but you need to talk to someone. to get it out. you can't keep it all up in there," he said, pointing to my chest. 

little did he know, i was talking to someone. well, trying to. 

"and i will, okay?" i lied, knowing very well he meant someone professional, a therapist. 

"you promise?" he asked, perking up. 

i was so used to breaking promises by now that i didn't even hesitate with my reply. 

"i promise."