The Last Time We Met

20

Later, as Cedric and I were both watching "Tiger King" on Netflix, Mom came up to my room. "I got an email from your school," she said.

I hit pause and turned to her.

Mom glanced at her phone screen. "Since the shelter-in-place order was extended, they're going to start online classes. Remote learning, they call it."

My stomach sank. "So we're not going back to school at all."

"Doesn't look like it. Not until May first, at least."

So many things crowded into my head, but the one that came out was, "So no prom."

"Probably not." Mom turned and left without saying anything more.

I couldn't look at Cedric on my phone screen just yet. After yet another panic attack, I felt so tired.

"We could still do something," Cedric said. "Maybe by then, Dad will let me go over your house."

"Well, you're not exactly staying at home, though, are you?" I snapped.

His mouth gaped for a moment, before he shook his head a little and said, "Whoa, okay. What are you talking about?"

"You! Riding your bike all over. Going on hikes. Going to the grocery store. Shelter-in-place means don't go out."

"Okay, I mean, the governor says you're supposed to go out and get fresh air and exercise. Maybe you should go out once in a while."

I glared at him. "Is it so wrong that I don't want you to get COVID and die?"

"I didn't say it was wrong. But..." Cedric looked away and licked his lips. "It's not that dangerous for people our age. I mean, it's probably more dangerous for you because you have asthma, but even if we get it, we're probably not going to die."

"You don't know that."

"I don't, but... Look, they're saying that it's being spread by people who are asymptomatic. If you don't have symptoms, then it's probably not that bad, right? And you probably won't die. It's people who have a pre-existing condition—"

"I have to go," I choked out abruptly, and hung up, because my eyes had gone blurry and my hands were shaking and I couldn't do this right now. I dropped my phone on the bed and got up to pace.

My phone immediately buzzed once, then after a long pause, it buzzed twice more. I flipped it over so I couldn't see the screen. I sat down and gulped down air and pressed the heels of my hands into my eyes.

This was a pandemic. We were living in a pandemic. This wasn't like the bird flu or H1N1 or whatever, where sure, lots of people had probably died. Schools didn't shut down then. The whole world didn't shut down. This was serious. How could Cedric possibly think it was no big deal?

He was going to get COVID and die. I just knew it, because in every one of my past lives, he had died. I stood up, going to my cigar box to dig through everything inside. I needed to find that one thing that would let me see if that's what happened. I hadn't been able to find an obituary for Henrietta in all my searches in Google and Ancestry and the library's newspaper databases. The only explanation was that she had died during the Spanish Influenza, and so many had died that Theodore couldn't get an obituary in the paper. It was probably also why I couldn't find her grave anywhere. Theodore's was listed on Findagrave.com, but not Henry's.

I cast aside the postcard. That was a dead end. I sorted through the photographs, picking up that one that I thought could be of Theodore.

Laying down on my bed, I held the photograph up to my face, pressing it very lightly against my forehead. "Please," I whispered. "Show me."