the lives we wished we had | misc. | rant book

// feelings //

t/w: confused thoughts

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honestly, sometimes i feel like i will never find love .

i think i am in love with somebody, but that small feeling has a small voice .

it says, do not believe me, because i am fake !

and that voice always gets to me, lurking in the depths of my head .

and i want to feel something .

i crave it like i would die without it .

and maybe i will .

i sometimes wonder if love exists at all .

a façade for the pain of our lonely realities .

does it not exist only for me ?

have i done something wrong ?

i thought that your pink lips that look so soft and your silky hair that falls elegantly across your face and your glasses that frame those beautiful eyes would all be a way for me to escape the depths of my thoughts .

but i am drowning .

and that voice is still there .

when my heart skips a beat for you, it is there .

when my stomach gets fluttery, it is there .

when my hand trembles, it is there .

when i stutter around you, it is there .

when my cheeks burn in embarrassment, it is there .

i can not believe my own feelings anymore .

i try .

i really do .

i try to think it is deceiving me .

it might be .

it might not .

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- s.i