Ask an Autistic Girl Questions

Discussion One: Late Diagnosis and Bullying

From @chrysthh :

"My friend was diagnosed with Aspergers at 16 which is pretty late but still before that he was bullied for... idk, not staying on topic, asking too many questions... He has severe anxiety now that prevents him from finishing his studies even though he's really smart. I hope you're not in a similar position."

Firstly, let me start off my saying I can't speak for every autistic individual since each case is vastly different from each other, but I can talk from my perspective and life.

Now, to start, 16 isn't actually all too late to be discovered. Until recently, not much was all too known about ASD. Still, there is far too little known since there are people acting like it's a disease to be cured, and despite it growing every year in the population (about 1/54 or so kids has autism), it's extremely underfunded. On top of that, the most well known charity group, Autism Speaks, is considered by lots of the autistic community as a hate group, though many aren't aware. They pretty much say we are unfeeling, immoral, and will ruin your life, job, and marriage. So never support them.

Now, there's people discovered they are on the spectrum even in their forties! It's crazy. It was underdiagnosed for a long while. In fact, when I was a child, they didn't even recognize it, instead calling what I had the horrendous title of "Intermittent psychotic tendencies" because I had temper issues, which is actually going into overstimulation and panic, not a temper tantrum as it's often called. It's often mistaken as being a bad child, but it's actually panic that people simply don't understand, and as someone with neurotypical parents, it can be very difficult.

Next, onto the bullying, it's extremely common among the autistic community sadly. We simply aren't like those around us. Our brains function in a completely different way. And body language and subtleties of language can slip right past us. Because of this, we are often the victims of harassment. I believe we also put out weird vibes without meaning it. Then there's something I've recognized on both me and my boyfriend that I just discovered isn't uncommon: sometimes we accidentally get a posh sound to our voices when confident, and people simply can't stand it. Even slight accents out of nowhere can appear on autistic people.

I've come to terms with the bullying since I rationalized it. Those kids really weren't that malicious. Sure, needless jerks, but they were kids, and I am unlike them. People pick up on that stuff. It's simple instinct. I really can't blame anyone for that. However, it does truly get tiring, and there's definitely a reason people with autism (especially those with Aspergers and also especially females with Aspergers such as myself) have very high suicide rates and a low life expectancy in comparison to neurotypicals. This is another reason the lack of funding is baffling. It's also a sadly common thing I've read in articles of parents straight-up murdering their autistic children. I'm sure some accident cases may have been this.

I too, struggle to stay on topic, and likewise, I always ask questions since I'm a very curious person by nature. There's a reason we are recommended for jobs like scientist (ironic they call it a mental disease when we're recommended for some really high paying jobs). However, this did lead me to getting bullied or disliked by teachers. I was bullied by a teacher for two years who told me "I don't like people like you". Of course, she didn't know I have autism since I actually had all the benefits like longer time for tests removed since I'm someone who tries extremely hard to be as alike everyone else as possible, and I really dislike handouts like that when I know I don't need it. However, it hurt so bad. Often our inquisitive nature is frowned upon, and our desire to teach others makes others leave who can't handle long conversation. I thrive with my bf since we are both high functioning, and we love debating, discussing, and questioning one another. It's truly wonderful since we both live questioning and answering. I've heard him give hour long discussions on occultism and theology and loved every bit 💕.

That last paragraph was a goshdarn good example of how my mind can wonder. Haha. Similarly, it's common where I have several conversations going on all at the same time with someone else, and often it confuses others who can't react like that. On the flip side, me and my bf have had times of practically sending each other essays through text of upwards of ten conversations in all.

For the anxiety, that's something my bf and I know too well. I've had times where I felt myself a monster since I always drove everyone away. I still don't have friends. However, I've gone through a lot of self-love endeavors lately, and one of the best things for me was starting to have an interest in my ancestors and my ancestor's religions. I now follow Asatru, the Norse religion, as I've always felt bonded with it and it's morals since I was a kid, and it's a religion I'm sure my ancestors likely followed at some point.

Be sure to always stick by your friend. He may sometimes act a bit strange in your eyes, but I'm sure he is good. On top of that, please never just think him boring. He may want to do fun things and just doesn't have that push. You've gotta always be very communicative and he should be back.

Also, please, I beg, always look after his mental health, especially amid this pandemic. We have higher suicide rates for a reason. Our lives can be quite stressful. Please always give him the best support you can and remind him of his importance. And if he's stopped studies, fine. I understand fully. But maybe help him find his calling. My bf works with snakes and is a compulsive studier, but he's very solitary usually. Just gotta find your calling, even if it stays away from human contact. Haha. I know I hate the school system, so I'm teaching my kids at home in the future.

Keep pushing the idea that he's amazing at his talents. Until it sticks. And help him along the way. Just never give up on friendship. You have no clue how important true and loyal friends are to us. We can't thrive without those of you who support us.

Hope this makes for a good first discussion, and I hope I helped you know some things from my perspective as an autistic individual! Just remember, tell your friend never to back down, help him with his talents he may not realize, and always have pride in yourself as an individual.

I know I personally would never give up my autism because of the way it allows me to view the world. It's blessing when realized, and a curse when not. So many wonderful scientists and mathematicians throughout the world were autistic! There may be pain, but if you're like me and on a quest for knowledge, I'm unsure if you can be without it. Forbidden knowledge deal.

Just whether someone with ASD or not, remember, everyone, always hold your head up as high as you can and never let anyone blind you from your greatness!