Dear Simon,

Chapter Five

     The party is tonight. I'm thinking about going. If I do, I'll have to sneak out because there's no way in Hell Mom would let me go. I get around for school and wait for the bus. The day is the same routine as always but my mind is on tonight. What if Caitlyn is there? She would probably bring her boyfriend as a date. I can't wait for sixth period. It's the last class of the day. The more I want the day to speed up the slower it seems to pass. Finally, fourth period arrives. We sing Arabian Knights from Aladdin. The show choir is going to perform Aladdin the Musical for the school in a couple of months. I'm nervous about performing for the first time, but it's almost thrilling in a way. I'm a palace guard. Alisa isn't in Chorus but she should be. She has the prettiest voice I've ever heard. It's warm like Ella Fitzgerald but calm like Ilene Woods.

     The school day ends and I rush to the bus. I'm planning my outfit in my head already. A dark purple button-up shirt with black dress-up pants. I plan to put my hair in a messy bun. Harry pushes my bookbag off of the seat and into the feet space and then sits next to me.

     "We need to study. Tonight."

     "I can't. I have plans tonight."

     "Cancel them."

     I look at him. He's serious. His eye-bags are worse than yesterday's eye-bags. He looks like he hasn't slept at all. He's wearing a long-sleeved gray shirt even though it's almost ninety degrees outside. The weather isn't unusual for Georgia though so I'm not too bothered by it.

     "I can't. Have you slept at all lately? You look like a zombie."

     He looks away from me and puts his earbuds in his ears. His head tilts back into the seat and his breathing slows. I let him have his forty-five minutes of rest and listen to my music. Village by Wrabel plays into my ears through my headphones. Next thing I know I'm waking Harry up at my stop. He gets off with me even though I told him that I had plans. Fuck it.

     We walk into my house and I raid the fridge. Harry heads straight to my room to put his bookbag down. He might as well fucking move in. I walk upstairs with two bowls of potato chips in my hands. I find Harry sitting on my bed. His hands are in his head and his leg is shaking. I force a cough so he knows I'm here. His head snaps up.

     "Can I use your shower?" What the fuck?

     "Uh, sure. Do you need any clothes? I might have something close to your size." He shakes his head and searches through his bookbag. He fucking brought clothes like he knew I'd say yes. My guts feel hot. "Don't take too long. The knobs turn to the right. The left knob is hot water and the right knob is cold water. Stay out of my Old Spice body wash. I bought that with my allowance."

     Harry nods and heads to the restroom with his clothes in tow. While he showers, I debate on how the hell I'm gonna sneak out without Mr. Angry snitching or ruining my night. I could take him to the party with me but I really don't want to. I flop backward onto my bed and sigh. I put on a Spotify playlist and pray that damn "want a break from the ads?" thing doesn't pop up.

     Harry walks back into my room. His dirty blond hair is wet and he's holding his dirty clothes. He stuffs them into his bookbag. I bite my cheek.

     "Hey, Harry, how do you feel about parties?"
     "I don't know," he shrugs, "I've never been to one."

     "You're going tonight then." I jump up out of bed and sit up. "I'm not taking no for an answer."

      "You're going to have to. I'm not going."

     "Look, you basically follow me around anyway, what's one party gonna do?"

     He sighs. I'm winning. "Fine. One party but we study all day tomorrow."

     "Deal." I grin. I dig in my drawers and pull out my purple button-up shirt and my black formal pants. I go to the restroom and knock.

     "Somebody's in here!" It's Claira's voice. I roll my eyes and tread back to my room.

     "Harry, turn around."

     He looks at me like I spoke in tongues, "what?"

     "Turn around. Claira is in the restroom and I need to change. No one else knows you're here so you can't go into the hallway and wait for me to change. Now, turn around." Once I know for sure he can't see me, I lift my hoodie over my head. It's quickly followed by my button up shirt. I change into my formal pants as well. Harry turns toward me as I'm finishing the last buttons on my shirt.

     "What the Hell? I didn't tell you that you could turn back around!"

     He shrugs, "I was tired of staring at the wall."

     I can't help but roll my eyes.

     I go downstairs and eat dinner and sneak back up a secret plate to Harry. Even Mr. Angry deserves to eat.

     "Thanks."

     I nod. "You're welcome. I already told my mom 'goodnight' so we should be able to sneak down the fire escape."

     "Why do you even have a fire escape. Isn't this a house?"

      "My dad built it before he went to prison."

      "Oh." The silence is unbearable, so I open my window.

     "Are you coming?" My left foot is already out the window. Harry stands and follows suit. We walk a few blocks and make a right turn and then walk a few more blocks. We arrive at the party in approximately seven minutes. Music booms from the house and I can feel the vibrations move into my body. I grin. Harry stops and I can tell he's conflicted. He's still wearing long sleeves but it's a navy blue sweater. I put a hand on his left shoulder and look him in the eyes. I hope that it comforts him in a way. We walk in the door and a guy walks up.

     "Welcome to my party. There are snacks and drinks in the kitchen. We have beer pong in the living room. Have fun, y'all." I grab Harry's arm as to not lose him and make our way through the crowded house.  I find Alisa and Aaron making out messily on a countertop. It's disturbing. I grab a beer and so does Harry. I've never drunk alcohol before but I'm not nervous. I start choking. It's disgusting. Why do people even like this shit? I turn to Harry and see that he's chugging his cup. I don't want to look stupid or anything so I chug mine as well. After a few minutes, I start feeling warm. Not a bad warm but a comfortable warm.

     It feels good. I know I shouldn't drink a whole lot but I kind of want another. Harry's disappeared to God know's where. I go back to the kitchen and get another drink.

     "Hey Sierra," a voice calls me. I recognize it as Alonzo's, Jackie's boyfriend, voice. "Want to take a hit?" He holds a smoke out for me to take.

     I'm feeling brave tonight. "You know what? Fuck it." I take it and I take a long and deep breath in. I immediately start coughing. It burns my insides. "Nope, not doing that again. Sorry, Alonzo. I'll stick to the beer." He starts laughing.

     "Are you sure? You get used to it after a couple of drags." I nod. After a few minutes, I feel sick. I need fresh air. I feel myself shaking. I should have asked what was in that smoke. I was fine before, so it's definitely related. I get outside and I sit on the porch. I shouldn't have come. I should have stayed home and studied with Harry. I feel myself shaking. I can't breathe. It's terrifying.

     "Hey, Sierra, is everything. . . ." His sentence ends abruptly. "Hey, hey, hey. Focus on my voice. It's going to be okay. Everything will be okay. Tell me five things you hear."

     I can't focus. I shake my head.

     "Okay then, just listen to me."