It Hurts Me To Think That You've Ever Cried (A Zayn Malik Fan-Fic) ~COMPLETED~

Chapter 21

Wow, thank you guys so much for over 8,000 reads, I never thought that I was going to get so much!! I am not a doctor and I have no idea about anything about cancer or procedures about it, so the method planned in this is very inaccurate. Please comment because I love to hear your feedback about the chapter and the story!

~~~Chapter 21~~~

*ONE MONTH LATER*

Ashley’s Point Of View

It’s been one month since the cancer has returned and I’ve changed so much, it’s unbelievable. I can’t even walk down the hall without stopping and taking breaths, I am always tired, my hair is completely gone except for some peach fuzz on the top of my scalp, and I am so much thinner than before. I had lost 30 pounds, in one month. According to my doctor, the cancer is spreading quickly so everything will be faster than it was the first time around. Zayn is mostly always in my room unless he has to go to a sound check or has to do something with the band. The boys come over sometimes, but they tire me out so quickly, they usually leave after an hour of being here. My aunt stays with me on the weekends and sometimes after work, but her work schedule is so tight that she can’t get out so easily. I don’t blame her; we need the money for the medication and the hospital room. I am so sick of being in the hospital. The walls are so white, it smells like rubber, and the bed is starting to get very uncomfortable. Sometimes the thought crosses my mind that I’m going to die soon. Nobody wants to admit it, but it’s true. They all tell me that I can fight and that I’m strong, but the truth is I’m not strong. When nobody is here, at night, I cry myself to sleep and the thought of death crosses my mind all the time. Will it be painless? Will I see the light? Only time will tell, and there’s not that much time left for me.  I’ve thought of making a bucket list but how could I ever do any of the things on there if it’s a big trouble to get up. Besides I have all I want. I have Zayn, my aunt, and the four best friends that I could ever ask for. What else do I need? I needed to get better, but that wasn’t an option anymore. The doctor told me yesterday that she had to tell me big news, but waited until today because no one could make it here yesterday; Zayn had to practice for his tour coming up in two months and my aunt was at work. She told me that they would tell me today at about 2:00 and that’s when everyone is coming here to hear it. I pray that it’s good news. That I’m getting better and that I will be healthy in a matter of weeks or even months, but I try not to get my hopes up because expectation is the root of all heartache. I think back to a couple of months ago when Zayn and I were on the plane and he gave me the paper I had dropped. Or when he came over my house that night because they were our new neighbors. It feels like forever ago, but in reality it was only a couple of months. Its crazy how time flies when you’re not paying attention. And with what I’m dealing with now, time is a very precious thing. Many people take things for granted like time, fresh air, flowers, talking to somebody you love, and the things they have. The thing that they don’t realize is stuff like that doesn’t last forever and there’s a point in your life when those things are limited, so don’t take advantage of what you have. Don’t wish you had more or forget everything that you love. Appreciate what you have while it lasts because nothing lasts forever. Enjoy the little things. Unfortunately I have to learn that the hard way. Being in the hospital by myself gives me time to think. I usually think about everything that’s happening to me, but today I’m just not in the mood to think. Instead I grab my Mocking jay book from the Hunger Games trilogy. I read the last page over and over to myself because it’s the cutest thing I think I have ever heard in my life.