The Winter Wraith (Bucky Barnes x Reader)

Chapter 32 - Haunted Dreams

TW: Mild panic attack between the first ~ and second ~.

Fury had barely dismissed the meeting before Bucky was blazing out the door. He had always had a peculiar sort of anger, wild yet controlled. That was one thing that had not changed between the old Bucky and-

Steve stopped himself. He needed to stop doing that. It wasn't fair to Bucky and came with the idea the man Steve used to know and the in front of him were two different people. He tried again: Bucky's anger was something Steve had always found intriguing, the way he embodied the deceptive shard sheen of ice before it gave way beneath you. Now, as Bucky blew out of the room, he was the centre of a hurricane. The world seemed to bend and swirl around him, even the shadows shrinking away from the glare of the notorious Winter Soldier.

Steve was up out of his chair almost as fast, his body automatically chasing after his friend before his mind had even registered what was happening. Bucky was charging through the doors of the kitchen, on a clear warpath to the elevator. Steve knew his friend well enough to know he was going to punch out some of his frustration in the gym. There was always an underlying current of rage to the Winter Soldier's movements, prompting Tony's few assistants to stay well clear of the man. Although, if Steve had to guess, most of Bucky's anger was directed at himself. He probably also knew he wasn't really to blame, but when did guilt ever listen to logic?

With that in mind, Steve reached out a hand to grab his friend's shoulder, thought better of it, and settled for a verbal approach. "Hey, Buck." In return, Bucky threw him a strained smile and kept walking, plucking a plum from the fruit bowl on the counter. Even in his anger, Bucky wouldn't accidentally crush the plum, he loved them too much for that.

Steve was sure that something had clicked for Bucky during that meeting, but he wasn't interested in sharing it with Steve. He couldn't – wouldn't – force Bucky to share anything with him, because he knew he had to work through some things on his own first, but he hoped Bucky would share eventually. Whatever it was, it had clearly drudged up some sour memories.

A small sigh escaped Steve, which he immediately felt bad for. But he couldn't help wishing things were just a bit easier for them all. How different would they all be if their parents were all still alive? Or if every good thing they had ever done for the world wasn't thrown right back in their faces with the threat of a new kind of dangers always on the horizon. Or what if they had never had to balance the weight of a person's life on their shoulders, or the crushing guilt when the scales tipped too far and it all came crashing down? Scoffing softly, he reminded himself, "Heroes do what's right, not what's easy."

Pulling out a chair at the bench, Steve was startled to catch a glimpse of scarlet standing in the doorway. Wanda drifted closer, leaning against the bench, staring in the direction Bucky had gone. Her voice was quiet when she said to Steve, "He knew her."

It took Steve a good second to realise Wanda was talking about the girl in the pictures. "What? Actually, no, that makes sense. He was with Hydra for a long time, he knew a lot of people." They lapsed into silence for a few moments, Steve trying to untangle his thoughts into cohesive sentences. "Why her?" Why did she set him off like that? "He's had no problems fighting other Hydra agents."

Steve couldn't decipher the look Wanda gave him; head titled quizzically to the side. "Think, Steve."

He was, he had been. Admitting as much, he gave a baffled shrug.

An amused smile tugged at the corners of Wanda's lips, only adding to Steve's uncertainty. "He knew her, not whoever Hydra is forcing her to be."

He needed more time to turn the thought over in his head, nothing was making any sense. Now was not the right time to re-enter the permanent stage of confusion that was his life. "Why didn't he say anything then? Do you know who she is?"

"No, neither does he." Of course, Steve expected as much. Wanda clearly knew more than she was letting on, but if she did not deem it important enough to tell Steve, then he trusted her decision. Instead, he opted for a lighter topic.

"You're not reading everyone's minds, are you?"

She threw him a wry smile. "No, but the force of his emotions startled me." With that, she peeled away from the counter and left Steve to consider this new information.

~

He knew her.

I know her I know her I know her I know her. No, you don't.

Bucky had bizarre, fantastical recollections of a lie probably constructed by Hydra to mess with his head. The (e/c) eyes that flickered in his vision were not the sanctuary his memories told him they were. They were a trap waiting to capture him, luring him in with honey-sweet promises bound to shatter the moment Hydra had what it wanted. He did not know her, not really. She was a stranger.

Her voice her eyes her smile her laugh. A mask.

The thump of his fists hitting the punching bag grew faster and faster, harder and harder. A mime of his heart throwing itself against his chest. There was an eternal fire raging in his chest, fuelled by his anger and hurt and a thousand emotions he hadn't the time – nor courage – to label. And in the embers settling in its wake was a promise, the words of which were lost to time but reverberating through his head nonetheless.

A promise a purpose a vow a reason. A lie.

There were pinpricks all over his arms, down his back, creeping up his neck, and this feeling in his chest like he needed more air, like maybe if he dragged enough oxygen into his lungs he could push out whatever was writhing under his skin. He took a deep breath, but it wasn't enough. He took another. And another. It was still there, and it was spreading through his body, like poison in his veins. He could feel it in the press against his throat, the way he could not swallow past the dryness of his mouth. He knew it in the way his fingers had turned numb, cold. He was sure in the way even though his nails dug into his skin on one hand, and metal ground against metal on the other, his grip still felt too weak. He was too weak. To save himself, to save her, to save anyone or anything.

Too weak too weak too weak too weak. You will never be enough.

He punched the bag again.

~

As he sat in the pitch black of his unlit room, unseeing eyes locked onto the fist-sized hole in his wall, he knew what he had to do. Sleep had not come that night, and even if he had managed to catch one or two hours, his dreams would have been haunted by her. An idea was circling in his mind, forming and reshaping as he thought out the flaws and weaknesses. It had been brewing for a long time, he realised, even before the meeting, had been forming in his mind since the very day he had found himself alone on the streets of Bucharest.

He could walk away from this death sentence, close his eyes, and pretend everything was fine. I owe that woman nothing, he whispered to the darkness. The voice in his head was louder. I owe her everything. If he turned his back on the image of her, by the time he felt the water crash into his back and pull him under, it would be too late to stop whatever happened, whatever stupid decisions he made. Or, he could face the wave. He could run towards it. He could look this tsunami in the eyes as it towered higher and higher above him, and maybe, just maybe, crest the wave. At the very least, he might make it out alive. At worst, he would drown under a tide of misery and pain. Either way, no matter how he entertained the idea of pretending otherwise, the decision was already made.

He was going to save her.

But first, he had to stop her.

A/n
Okie dokie, first things first: THE FALCON AND THE WINTER SOLDIER HAS ARRIVED AND AFGHJKKJHG. Secondly, WandaVision is done and I'm living for Wanda's new, more comic-based look. Thirdly, a bit of a rundown of when this is kind of set (Spoiler warning? If you haven't... watched any of the movies... I guess):
We're now post Captain America: The Winter Soldier in terms that Tony knows Bucky killed his parents but, unlike the movie, there was no ensuing civil war because Sokovia Accords, what's that? Doesn't exist here. Yay! Also, in this fanfiction's version of events, Hydra wasn't completely defeated because then we'd have no Winter Wraith. Basically, the Avengers are still a happy family and Hydra's still a pain in the backside.
That quote from Steve earlier ("Heroes do what's right, not what's easy.") was yoinked from Once Upon a Time. And finally, I love Bring Me the Horizon so enjoy the song 😉.
Harley J. xx