Why Am I Hated?

Chapter 7

*Here is that promised one chapter before I put it on hold for a while. Sorry it took so long.*

Lillian 

   She didn't text back. She said she would, what happened? Maybe she just forgot. I shouldn't worry so much, but I can't help it. Everyone would worry about the person they care about more than life itself, especially if they just got news that their mother died. I just don't know how to react. 

“Lill?” I look up at my brother as he walks into my room. 

“Yeah Ryan?” He comes over and sits down on my bed then grabs my hand. He has bad news. 

“Lill, it's about Erin. She.... She.... got hurt.” he says obviously trying to find the right words even though it hurts him. 

“Ryan, what do you mean?” I'm getting more worried by the minuet. What happened to Erin? 

“Erin...,” he took a deep breath then spoke softly, “She got hit by a car on her way home and is in a coma.” he said in a rush. Ryan looked me in the eyes and wiped my silent tears away. I couldn't find my voice to reply to what he said. Instead, Ryan just wrapped me in a tight hug and held me while I quietly cried into his shoulder. 

   I can't believe this at all. First, her mom dies, now this. The world just really likes to fuck up my emotions doesn't it? I held onto Ryan, glad to have such an amazing brother. 

“Do you.... Do you want to see her?” he asks me. I just nod my head not trusting my voice at the moment. He pulls away and leads me to Aunt Heather. They talk for a bit and soon we are in her car driving towards the hospital. It felt like the world was going in slow motion as we drove. It was the longest car ride I've ever taken. I hated it. 

   Soon enough, we reached the hospital. I was dragging my feet as we walked through the doors. Aunt Heather was talking to the front desk women as Ryan and I sat down in the cold chairs. 

“Lill?” he asked me. 

“Ry, I'm scared.” I used his nickname that I always called him when we were younger. I hated how sad and vulnerable I sounded. 

“I got you Lill. I'm not going anywhere.” he held me again in his arms. Hold me close, don't let go. Watch me. Why is lyrics from Hospital For Souls by Bring Me The Horizon in my head right now? I shake my head a little and look up as Aunt Heather came back over.

“We can't go in right now. They say her father is in there and don't want to disturb him.” she says sitting down next to me. Ryan and I just nodded at her. 

   We waited for what felt like ever for her father to be done. I'm not trying to sound rude or mean, it's just I really want to see her now that I'm here. When we were finally allowed to see her, we had to pass her dad sitting in a chair on the way to her room. It was my first time seeing her father and I already had an image of him in my head, but how he looked in this moment was not what I thought. He was devastated, crying in his hands over his daughter. We didn't stop to talk, but went inside her room. 

   I was the first to be at her bedside. The sight in front of me, the person in front of me with a cast on her left leg, right arm, torso, and bandages on her head, with monitors around her. This person was not the Erin I've come accustom to. The memories of Erin I have are resurfacing and my mind is comparing the Erin in front of me to the Erin of my memories. 

   I can't believe it. My Erin, my poor, poor, Erin. My Erin is hurting so badly. I know I'm crying and I'm just hoping someone will catch me because my knees buckled. Luckily, someone did catch me. Ryan of course. He led me to the chair that was positioned by her bed. 

“Thank you.” I said, but my voice was so soft that it was more like a whisper. 

“It's okay. Take your time, Lill. We'll step outside.” He gave me a small smile and walked out with Aunt Heather. 

   When the door was fully closed, I looked back over at Erin. I scooted the chair over to be right next to her bed. I put my head in my crossed arms, that were resting on the bed, and cried my heart out. I probably only cried for a few minuets then looked back up at her. My hand reached out and gently ran over her right cheek. I got out of the chair and was walking toward the door as I heard a doctor talking past the door. 

“Ms. Mitchels is in critical condition. With her injuries, I wouldn't be surprised if she didn't make it. I'm sorry to give bad news, but there isn't much hope for her to get through. If she does, I don't believe that her life will go back to normal. There could very well be some brain damage. We will be keeping a close eye on her though. Now I have-” that's were I stopped listening and went back to the chair. 

   I just sat there and listen to her heart monitor. The beep going at a normal rate was somehow soothing. I drank in Erin's features, staring intently. I took in everything from how her hair was barely poking out with the bandages to where every scratch on her face was. 

She might not make it. She might not make it. She might not make it. She might not make it. She might not make it. She might not make it. She might not make it. She might not make it. She might not make it. She might not make it. She might not make it. She might not make it. She might not make it. She might not make it. She might not make it. That was all that was going through my head. That she might not make it. 

“Erin, if it hurts to much, to were you can't bare it anymore, it's okay if you want to go. I won't hate you, I'll understand. It hurts too much, right? If you want to go, go and seize the light, okay? Do you understand? You can go if it becomes unbearable. Go for the light and I bet your mom will be waiting for you. If you go, I won't hate you one bit. You can go, don't worry about me or Ryan. We'll get through. You can go and see your mom again. It's fine with me if you want to. Go for the light and all of your pain will be gone. Everything will be gone and you won't have to worry about anything besides spending time with your mom. If you want to, you can Erin.” I paused to wipe the tears away. “Just know Erin, that I love you. I love you so much that it hurts. I will never forget how you make me feel whenever you were just around. You will forever be in my heart if you do decide to leave. I love you, Erin Mitchels.” I leaned forward and gave a soft, brief kiss to her lips. “I love you.” I whispered against her lips. I pulled back and stood up again. “See you later.” Either in this world or in the next. With that I walked out of her room.