He is Mine (TaeKook Love Story) (18+)

Chapter 17: JUNGKOOK

"What are you doing?" confused, I could see Taehyung carelessly shoving his clothes into a large, black bag. He wouldn't look at me. His face was pale.

A terrible, awful, cold feeling gathered in the pit of my stomach.

Half running around the bed, I grabbed his shoulder painfully, pulling his face to me.

It was obvious he had been crying, his eyes were red and puffy, his bottom lip was still quivering.

Seeing his upset face, I immediately pulled him to me, squeezing him hard against me as if this would somehow squeeze out all the upset out of him.

"Tae, talk to me, please. What's wrong!?" Terror rising in my throat, strangling me, I asked with a quiet voice:

"Why are you packing your things?" I was shaking, scared.

Silence stretched, endless.

Only then did I notice his arms were still down, he hadn't embraced me. Cold chills ran down my spine, my breath disappeared.

Holding him at arm's length, I searched for his evasive gaze, but his face was downcast, hidden by the dark curls falling over his forehead.

Desperate, I forced him to look at me, lifting his chin with my fingers until he looked at me.

Streaks of dried tears were drawn on his tight face. His eyes were swimming in tears. The large pools of chocolate I remembered from the first time I met him were now pools of desperation, raw with emotion and immeasurable vulnerability.

"Why are you not talking to me?" panic rose in my voice.

He grabbed my wrist and tried to pull my grip off his arm, without success.

Looking at me with deep desperation, begging me as if with his life, he said "Please...let me go." His voice breaking and quivering like a leaf.

"I don't understand. What's wrong?" he continued to shove the few remaining items into the bag and wiping his nose onto his sleeve, sniffling, he turned to leave.

"Wh -where are you going?!" I panicked because there was a real sense of finality in his actions and I... I couldn't live without Taehyung. Where he went, I went. We were one. Alone, I was nothing. And now he was leaving, without telling me where or why!

A strange noise rose from my throat, a mixture between a wail and a roar and desperately, I pushed Tae against the wall and his bag fell on the floor with a thump.

"Tae, Tae, Tae...." I repeated his name like a chant in the hopes it would make this awful moment and whatever was causing it, disappear.

I cupped his beautiful face, cherishing it, between my hands, holding it tenderly. I looked at him with all the love I had, wiping his continually flowing tears, pushing hair out of his eyes. His beautiful mouth twisted into an ugly shape when the gasps shook his slender form violently.

Leaning my forehead on his I whispered, anxiously: "What is going on.... please talk to me..." he wouldn't -or couldn't? talk to me, he wouldn't let me hold him, so the only thing left for to do was to... kiss him.

Tenderly, my lips touched his while my hand caressed his wet cheeks. I traced the curve of his cheek with small kisses before holding his cheek against mine.

"I love you.... I love you... I love you..." I repeated it, over and over again, hoping that he truly knew it.

I could feel his pain acutely and knew that this meant, at one level or another, a goodbye. His tears said enough.

Feeling his face, as if for the last time, I felt my tears mixing with his.

Then he was gone.

*

I didn't even ask why. I didn't ask anyone about anything. I didn't care why or where or for how long or whatever because he wasn't here -and that was the only thing that mattered. His reaction had told me enough. It felt like I was never going to see him again.

I didn't talk to anyone; I didn't go anywhere. I just lay in my bed -our bed (the thought made my cry uncontrollably) and stared at the changing shadows on the ceiling turn into night, into day and into night again.... I was numb.

*

Quietly, Hobi snuck into the room, smiling gently. I didn't acknowledge his presence.

"Hey honey. How are you?" he asked, carefully. I didn't answer. Sitting on the edge of the bed he started fiddling with the bedcovers with his skinny fingers.

Nervously, he said: "We missed you at the practice today. And yesterday...and the day before." He smiled, making light of it but I could hear the concern in his voice.

He continued: "have you even eaten anything? Do you want something to eat? We made some kimchi, just for you..."

I turned to face the wall.