I turned over and stopped. I felt the warmth of a body beside me. I looked down to see Ariana. I felt my heart flutter. There was the sound of her phone vibrating from somewhere in here bed. I searched around careful not to wake her. I found her phone and looked. She has at least fourth missed messages from her girlfriend. The happy feeling I had quickly vanished. Sure I told Ariana how I felt I was even stupid enough to kiss her but she had a girlfriend that made her happy, even tho it wasn't with me I wanted her to be happy. I got up carefully and walked downstairs. I threw on my shoes and drove away. My heart was sinking.
"Why the fuck did you do that?" I whispered to myself. I pulled up to my house only to see Jenny sitting on the porch, "Jen?" She looked up through her black hair tears streaming down her face.
"I just need a friend." Her voice shook as she spoke. I quickly unlocked the door and walked her inside.
"What's going on talk to me."
"Everything nico. Jesus I'm a mess but worse of all I'm that mess nobody wants to talk to or love or care about. My whole life is fucked up and I just...I need help. I don't want to be like this nico...." Tears streamed down her face "I don't want to be alone anymore I just wanna be someone people care about..." The thing about Jenny was she was one of those people. Hell I don't think she's ever screwed anyone over she was all about helping people, but with that people always took advantage of it. Jenny was a sweet girl with a rough past, much like Ariana.
"Hey hey hey no more crying." I whispered giving her a hug, despite my best efforts she only cried harder.
"I just feel so alone nico... I just feel so alone." I felt tears sting my eyes knowing I was partly to blame. I was one of those people who fucked her over. We sat there for hours eventually she calmed down and we started to talk. We talked like we used to before she started all the drugs and pointless partying and one night stands. My phone began to ring cutting Jenny off.
"Hello?"
"So you admit your undying love for me and leave without saying goodbye?" Ariana asked angrily. I felt my heart sink. She was upset and it was my fault. I just couldn't do things right.
"I'm coming over Ariana. We need to talk." Without waiting for her to reply I hung up. I have Jenny a quick hug goodbye and left. The drive to Ariana's seemed to be the longest of my life. On the way to her house i swung by the music shop and picked up a cd. I was nervous and afraid. I pulled up outside her house and took a deep breath.
"Oh look Houdini showed up." She muttered as I entered.
"Ariana... Listen I should never have told you what I did. I never should have said how I felt." There was almost a pained look on her face, but just as soon as it came it went. She wasn't one to show her feelings unless it was sarcasm and irritation.
"Why the fuck not?"
"Because you and Kelsey are so happy together. Your happy and I can't risk fucking that up for you..." She looked down and bit her lip.
"Thank you. For respecting that..." She looked up at me and smiled "still best friends?" I forced a smiled and nodded. Tho I meant what I said it still killed me. Not being able to call h mine not being the one to make her happy. I was just her friend.
"I did get you something tho." I smiled pulling the cd from my pocket. Ariana laughed.
"You really thought I was that pissed off so you bought me a kiss ass cd?" I chuckled and nodded. That was how I did things. I know most guys would go and buy roses and chocolates for the girl their into when their pissed off, but not me I bought Ariana music poster and anything else band related I could find. She took it out of the bag and smiled.
"The only all time low album I don't have." She gave me a hug and opened it. She placed it in her CD player and it began to play. She sat down beside me on the couch. I could tell there was something on her mind.
"Okay spill what's going through that pretty little head of yours?"
"Far from pretty nico." She rolled her eyes "nothing."
"Stop with this nothing bullshit just say it already." I said slightly more irritated. I loved this girl with everything in me but she had a way sometimes of just irritating the fuck out of me, but yet again that's just part of what makes me love her so much. Even tho she's insanely stubborn and sometimes almost impossible to talk to she's still Ariana. Still the girl I wake up every day thinking about.
"How long have you felt this way?" She asked finally. I had honestly been waiting for that very question ever since I walked through her door.
"Since forever." She rolled her eyes indicating she wasn't pleased with my answer "i don't know Ariana since middle school..."
"Why didnt you ever say anything?"
"Because... I couldn't risk losing you. I'd rather be your best friend you tell everything to then the guy you avoid because you know he's crazy about you..."
"Your so strange nico."
"How's that strange? I'd rather have you in my life then not at all..." She smiled at me softly making my heart skip a beat. She leaned in and kissed me lightly on the cheek.
"Your just a strange boy." The thing about Ariana was she would say things without knowing the effect they had on me. Sure on the outside I was cool and collective but on the inside it was like a hurricane of butterflies and nerves. Every time I was with her I was on edge always nervous. Every time Ariana would get mad at me or we'd get into a fight I always had to apologize. Half the time I would apologize just seconds after realizing I had upset her. I was mush in her hands and she was completely oblivious to it. It was baffling actually, how oblivious to it she was, she just didnt get the effect she had on me. I was the definition of love struck fool. But thats love right? Makes people total retards and completely vulnerable. Makes even the strongest man mush in the right woman's hands and even tho they know their love struck morons they wouldn't have it any other way. And that was me all the way. I spent the remainder of the day just talking to Ariana. We didnt really talk about anything serious just pointless things. Things like our high school years or old friends we used to know. We were pretty lame but I loved it. I loved doing nothing but talking to Ariana. Hell I just loved being in the same room. As we were thing Jenny's words echoed through my mind.
"Ariana? Do you ever feel just utterly and completely alone?"
"Yeah... I do..." Hearing this made my heart sink.
"You know your never not tho right?" I grabbed her hand gently "I'm always going to be here for you. No matter what happens ill always be here." She smiled that perfect smile making my heart flutter.
"I know nico... I will never understand that but I know." My phone began to ring.
"Hello?"
"Nico baby about earlier today I am so sorry it's eating me alive."
"Forget about it Victoria." At the mention of her name Ariana snapped her head up. She looked at me with a warning glare.
"I was wondering if maybe you'd like to talk things over?" She questioned "maybe over coffee? Tonight?"
"Listen I don't think that's such a-" Ariana cut me off as she snatched the phone from my hand.
"Listen to me you little slut. Your gunna leave nico alone because I don't like sluts. And I don't like you meaning me being a good friend this no fucking way I will let him go back to you. Got it? Good." With that she hung up and handed me back the phone.
"Problem solved." She smiled. I laughed and shook my head. Only Ariana would talk to someone like that without fear of getting her ads kicked. We ended up watching the notebook together. We had watched it so many times before we practically quoted the whole movie word for for. Ironically Ariana would do allies lines and I always did Noah's. we never planned it like that it just lays happened like that. She fell asleep leaning against me. I didn't bother getting up instead I sat there enjoying this feeling. Dread and a kind of loneliness washed over me. Sure Ariana in how I felt but I could never have her. I was always going to be just her best friend and tho I loved h being happy it killed me.
