Starry I think not (terrorcest)

Hanging by a thread...or the noose.

A/N: this is a warning. And here, tissues. You might need them. Warning: sad sad sad.

Nikki Sixx, two months later

My heart shatters with every breath. I can't deal with this and I can't take this. Everywhere I go reminds me of Tommy. Everything I do reminds me of Tommy. My life is this dreaful existence, one of pure hell.

I look up at the TV, seeing an interview of Tommy and Heather. They've been doing a lot of those since she officially announced that she's pregnant. I think that's what really broke me. There's no going back, and now I fucking know that Tommy will never feel the way I do.

It's just a cold hard fact of life. I look at the razor blade on the floor, next to some abandoned lines of blow. My head is spinning as I look back to the TV, holding my bloody arm with a cloth stuck to it.

"...we couldn't be happier, shes the absolute love of my life!" Tommy says on the TV, wrapping an arm around her with his usual wonder filled grin.

He could never love a worthless piece of shit like you. He could never, you're a fucking dumbass if you think he does.

That does it, flipping a switch inside me. I can't take living in this drug induced, sorrow filled world I call a life. I look up at the closet, grabbing the rope from inside and dragging a chair outside.

I look up at the tree in my backyard. It should work, I can kick the chair from under me.

I hang the rope, looping and tying it into a noose. Before I die, I want to write a letter to Tommy, and I want to give it to him.

I walk into the kitchen, ripping a sheet of paper out of my journal as I begin to write.

Dear Tommy,

Hopefully by the time you read this, I'll be dead and you can find a new bassist and best friend. Hopefully everyone will be happier. Vince will be happier, Heather will be happier, Mick might even be happier.

I wrote this note to you because I love you. I actually love you, and seeing you and Heather has been killing me. I can't live without you but that is what I'm having to do. I love you so much and I don't know how to tell you.

Goodbye Tommy, and whoever he shares this with. You made it worth living for at least a little while.

I tape the note to my front door where I know he can see it. Then I call him.

"Lee?" I ask.

"Yeah buddy?" He answers.

"Hey can you come over? Oh and theres something on my door, be sure to pick it up."

"Uhhhh okay! Be there in a couple of minutes. See ya Sixx!"

"...goodbye Tommy." I say, placing the phone back on its hook, hanging up on my best friend for the last time.

I head out back, some death march playing in my head. The tree looks even taller than before. Jeez. I look at it's texture, realizing it's the last time that I'll ever see this tree. It's the last time I'll see anything. I need to do this though.

I step on the chair, placing the noose over my head and it starts to tighten already. In a few minutes it will be tightened all the way around my throat, killing me. It will slowly suffocate and asphyxiate me.

I step off the edge of the chair, and I feel the noose dig into my neck as I kick the chair over. Within seconds, a migraine starts. Pounding so hard I can feel it beating in my head.

My body is begging me for air, but the noose is holding tightly. My body is screaming, clawing at my insides. My visions starting to darken, spots dancing around like acrobats in a fucked up circus.

The last thing I hear, before the world goes dark, is Tommys horrified scream.

A/N: seriously guys if you or someone else is having suicidal thoughts, please talk to somebody. Please, you are too valuable to lose. The world needs you for a reason