words | akaashi keiji

pities.

"Sleep is my lover now, my forgetting, my opiate, my oblivion."
Audrey Niffenegger

Mei stared down at Hyodo in shock, feeling her mouth open just slightly as she moved her eyes down to the ring he held between his fingers.

The room grew eerily quiet around them, and Mei knew she needed to force something to leave her mouth but she couldn't.

She pressed her lips into a thin line, looking around the room awkwardly before meeting Hyodo's gaze once more.

He stayed in his spot on the floor– down on one knee and looking up at her expectantly. The smile his face held moments before had fallen just slightly, so now Mei could only see his pleading eyes.

"Mei?"

At the new sound, Mei quickly closed her eyes. With her eyes closed, she heard Hyodo shift in front of her, until she opened her eyes to see he had moved his chair to sit next to her.

"Mei, you're making me nervous."

Mei frowned back at him, feeling her own sadness grow as she blinked and noticed tears threatening to form in her eyes.

On the one hand, she felt the need to say yes. He had spent his time after work preparing a candlelit meal for her, and he had been around for years and years.

On the other hand, she still felt immensely guilty for the thoughts of Akaashi that had grown in her head over time.

She let out a shakey sigh before reaching out to hold Hyodo's hand in hers, her middle finger grazing the ring he still held out for her.

"Hyodo," she began softly, stopping suddenly as if to gather her thoughts. "I... I need time to think about this."

Hyodo blinked in surprise almost immediately, leaning back in his chair as he stared back at Mei sadly.

"Time to think? Think about what?"

A lump grew in Mei's throat, and she forced herself to swallow in attempts to get rid of it, feeling herself frown further.

"I'm sorry, love. Please, just–"

She couldn't finish her thought, suddenly distracted by the familiar faint scratching of Fyodor from under the table, which only made her melancholy grow.

She choked out a dry sob, blinking a few times before standing up and quickly moving to the kitchen door.

"I'm sorry. I need to think," was all that left her mouth before she quickly left the kitchen and nearly sprinted through the living room.

Making her way to the door, Mei gave little thought to the weather and opened the coat closet to grab for one before slipping on her boots and leaving the apartment.

Once she was out, she sprinted down the steps to make it to the street, nearly tripping on her shoelaces that she hadn't bothered to tie.

She shivered as she stood on the small sidewalk in front of her and Hyodo's apartment, making her attention move to the coat she held in her hand.

Of course it's Akaashi's stupid coat.

She stared down at the plain brown coat in silence, shivering instead of putting it on.

Finally, Mei's jaw clenched as her lips turned upward and tears fell freely from her eyes.

Although crying was healthy, Mei prided herself on not doing it much. She considered it a waste of time, and she always felt dumb afterward.

She shook her head quickly, deciding to let herself shiver and cry in the mid-March weather. She turned to walk away from the apartment further, not entirely sure where she would go but wishing to leave anyway.