Roses and Ribcages

(1.) Rabbits

Black rabbits hopped across the ceiling as I laid on the floor and watched, killing themselves in the blades of the ceiling fan. Each time it happened, I expected to be covered in blood and fur but the rabbit only faded out of view. Once the first rabbit faded, another would replace it and I wondered why it chose the same fate as its predecessor. Did it not understand the fan was dangerous or were they all doomed to be slaughtered by a winged cyclone? As another rabbit scampered toward death, the room flipped and I was plummeting toward the ceiling fan. Sitting up from the floor, I clawed my hands over my face as my chest heaved with every breath I took.

My nails dug into the skin of my face as I scratched down the soft surface, then clamped my hands on the sides of my neck. Rolling my head back, I looked up at the ceiling again; the fan was spinning slow and all the rabbits had disappeared. I hated that no matter how good I felt, the trips always ended like a bad dream. Tucking my temples between my knees, I sighed while clasping my hands onto my forearms. I stared down at the floor, letting my eyes focus on the red circles on the carpet.

When the circles started to enlarge, I realized that the trip was still going and I rubbed my eyes as I straightened my back. My throat was dry and I could barely swallow my own spit, but I had neglected to grab anything to drink. Pushing myself up, I stood from the floor and held my head as the room spun around me. I twisted and turned while trying to find the door, but the door kept moving. Clutching the pole of the bed frame, I rode out the rest of the trip and waited for everything to stand still. Finally, my vision focused and the door came into solid view. My shoulders sagged as I padded toward the door, then leaned my forehead against the cold wood.

The latch clicked open as I twisted the knob, stepping into the hallway and tiptoeing to the kitchen. I moved through the darkness of the room, grabbing a cup from a cabinet then opening the refrigerator. Glass bottles rattled on the door and the light felt blinding as I squinted my eyes to see inside. Pushing aside the milk carton and orange juice, I reached for the pitcher behind them and poured a full cup of red Kool-aid. I stood with the fridge door open as I drank my juice, while my ears perked at the sound of the front door unlocking. Glancing at the clock on the stove, the time read 2:35am.

"D-D-D-DIVA! I know you up!" My roommate yelled, and I shook my head.

"In the kitchen, Mags," I hollered back, closing the refrigerator.

Flipping the kitchen light on, I screwed my eyes closed at the harsh brightness then peeled one eye open. Magnolia wobbled into the kitchen, trying to get her heel off as she leaned against the counter. When she got the shoe off, she flung it through the doorway into the living room and threw her head back in laughter.

"Girl, you shoulda come out tonight," she said, coming over and flinging her arms around me. "All the fine niggas was out."

"Maybe next time."

I set my cup on the counter next to us, then shifted her so that she stood to my right side. Resting her head on my shoulder, I walked Mags to her room down the hall from mine. She mumbled something incomprehensible, waving her hand in a dismissive manner then dropped it. We stumbled through her door when I almost tripped over her foot but managed to get her in the bed without falling. She tucked her hands beneath her head as she curled up on her side, and I grabbed her bonnet off her nightstand with a huff. Lifting her head, I tried to be gentle while putting the cap over her hair.

Going back to the kitchen, I finished my drink and turned off the light before heading back to my room. I kept the door cracked open in case she called out for me, then turned off the blank television. It was broken, so the screen was always blue and black. Before my eyes adjusted to the dark, I opened my laptop to a word document and started my journal entry.