Roses and Ribcages

(2.) Water

The pounding in my head was intensified by a consistent clicking sound, and I groaned as I opened my eyes to bright white light. Fuck, was I dead? Rolling my head to the side, I watched as Magnolia's fingers flew across her phone screen as her eyebrows creased together. Her hair was still hidden beneath her bonnet, while she wore a jean jacket over her pajamas and slippers on her feet. She glanced at me for a second then back at her phone, popping up from her chair when she realized I was looking at her. It was the first time in a long time I had seen her show how upset she was.

Wrapping her arms around my neck, she hugged me close and let out a heavy sigh. I didn't hug her back, but closed my eyes as I accepted the embrace. She held me for a long time, then pulled away with a deep frown set on her face as she looked at me. Now that she was close, I could see how red her eyes were but I didn't know if it was from sleep or crying. Glancing down at my arm, I followed the clear tube from the back of my hand to the IV drip hanging next to the bed. The liquid going into my body felt cold, which made me scratch at the tape covering the needle.

"Something's gotta give, Diva," Mags said, removing my fidgeting hand.

My face didn't change as I gazed back at her, but I was confused as to what she meant. Glancing past her shoulder, I looked at the whiteboard and read the information scrawled on it. Dehydration and malnutrition stood out under the symptoms, which came as a surprise to me: that wasn't right.

"This is the fourth time this happened."

Once again I looked at her, the confusion clear on my face now as I blinked a few times. As far as I can remember, this hadn't happened before because I've never ended up in the hospital. I hadn't fainted before this, so this entire experience was new to me. Still, Mags wouldn't lie to me, but I don't recall this ever occurring before now.

"If this happened before, why don't I remember?"

"Coz every time it happened before, you were at home. I'd drag you to your bed, and you'd wake up an hour later as if nothing ever happened."

Standing from the bed, Magnolia pinched the bridge of her nose between her fingers and sighed as she shook her head. I watched as she paced the room, in a quick steps back and forth, then pulled out her phone again. Her fingers tapped the screen in rapid movements, which reminded of the wings of a hummingbird with how fluid and fast she worked. When she finished, she grabbed a cup from a tray next to the bed and handed it to me. Instructing me to drink it, I took the plastic from her and held it between my palms as I stared at the liquid. Why aren't reflections visible in small bodies of water?

My throat felt drier than usual, so when I sipped the water, there was discomfort in the action and I cringed as I swallowed. Had it been that long since I had water? The fact that I couldn't remember when the last time happened said a lot on its own. I sighed as I held the cup between my knees, staring down at the blue cotton blanket draped over my body. I wasn't taking care of myself as well as I thought I was, and it wasn't only affecting me. The last thing I wanted to do was drag anyone into my turmoil.

"I'm sorry, Mags," I whispered, scratching my nail against the cup.

Pushing my hair back from my face, she pressed her forehead to mine and sighed as she closed her eyes. It surprised me as I stared at her face, which was relaxed as she held us together. Tears collected on the rim of my eyes, but I couldn't let them fall as I closed them.

"This shit can't happen again, aight?"

"Yeah."

Again she pulled away from me, then told me she'd go ask the nurse if I could be discharged. Leaving the room, I laid back in the bed and stared at the information board across from me. The one thing I promised myself I would never do, no matter how much I thought my life sucked, was take it. Yet, I had been doing it without even realizing it. At what point had I started to neglect myself to the point of starvation? Bringing my knees to my chest, I hugged them tight as I let my vision unfocus while the words on the board became distant and blurry.