Is it worth it? {a Tommyinit fanfiction DISCONTINUED}

Panic attack

{Edited}

Tommy's pov~

  shit, shit, shit. what was Tubbo doing here!?! did he hear me yell? did I make him angry? there was no time to think about that right now the stream was still playing and I don't want anyone seeing me like this. " Tommy!?! are you ok??" Tubbo asked me this his questions smothered in worry as I tried to talk back nothing came out of my mouth, all that could be heard was a pathetic whimper. shit.

   now he knows I'm a crybaby. I shakingly put my hands on the ground and pushed up trying my best to get up but failed as I felt a hand on my shoulder. Tubbo helped me up and I Immediately walked shakingly over to my desk everything in my body just wanted me to lay down and hide from the world, and I would comply but first I have to end this stupid fucking stream.

   I put my shaking hand gently as I could to the mouse and tried to quickly press the end stream button. once I saw the stream had ended I let my legs give out and I fell on the floor. "Tommy!?!" Tubbo said a bit loudly as he ran over to me crouching down to my side.

   I turned my face away from him curling in a ball as I felt all the tears coming from my eyes. my breathing had quickened as I tried my best to breathe "T-tommy?" Tubbo said my name as if it was a question and I couldn't help but feel even worse that he has to see me like this. I slowly looked over at Tubbo even more tears going down my face as I tried to get words out again but every attempt was just as useless as the last.

   I shakingly got up and hugged Tubbo scrunching his clothes in my hands. "T-toby.." I say pathetically as I cried into his shoulder. "Tommy... it's ok" Tubbo said to me soothingly trying his best to comfort me as I feel his hand rub circles on my back gently. I bet he thinks I'm pathetic. he's probably just doing this out of pity or he just feels bad for me, he must think I'm such a crybaby.

   It was just a fucking jumps scare wtf is wrong with me? I continued to cry into his shoulder. I can finally say something and I fucking stutter I didn't even mean to say something, it was like I had no control over my body. I didn't mean to hug him either. The fuck is wrong with me today? my breathing slowly starts to go back to normal as I sit there. pathetic. 

  All I can think about is how pathetic I am and how sorry I am for Tubbo, he had to see me like this. Tubbo gently tries to let go of me but I just tighten my grip on him. "Tommy." Tubbo says sternly. shit, did I do something wrong? I didn't mean to upset him. "s-sorry" I say in a panic as I let go of him and scoot away as fast as I can. I look at the ground not willing to look back at up.

   "Tommy...what was that about?" Tubbo says to me as I can feel him staring at me. shit, he knows, he knows. how am I going to explain this? what will he think about me? he probably already thinks I'm pathetic "nothing..." I respond saying the simplest answer I can think of as I get up and head over to my closet taking my hoodie off.

   {he has a shirt on}  "Tommy. you were crying." Tubbo had a point, I was crying but that doesn't mean it meant anything. you can cry even when nothing bads going on. I glanced over at Tubbo getting my brown cardigan type jacket that had the l'manburg flag on the shoulder of the left sleeve and patches were sewed on over holes that were created over the years. I had a pin on the front half that was a compass and said your Tubbo. 

  I put on the cardigan smoothly walking over to my nightstand grabbing my phone unlocking it and going to my contacts. "that doesn't mean it was for a bad reason." I responded with immediately regretting my decision. " you were clinging onto me as if you were going to die. and you couldn't breathe." Tubbo said to me seriously.

   I clicked onto one of my contacts messaging them. "so?" I said with question in my voice. I really just wanted out of this situation. I grab the infinity scarf out of my closet putting it on my neck. "what are you doing?" Tubbo said sternly.

  "going out," I said putting my phone in my pocket and walking out my bedroom door. I could hear Tubbo getting up as fast as he could as I grabbed my bag I left beside the coffee table area earlier and put it over my shoulder. "you can't leave! it's the middle of the night. where will you even go?" Tubbo asked with worry.

   Just then I heard a ding from my phone, I took my phone out and checked it smiling "a friend's house." I said simply as I grabbed the cold doorknob to our front door and turned it opening the door while putting my phone back into my pocket and shut the door behind me. I breathe out a breath I didn't even know I was holding in.

   "that was horrible..." I mutter to myself as I slowly start walking down the hallway might as well walk there, I wonder why they stay up so late. I get to the stairs and gently grip my hand on the railing feeling the familiar coldness as I walk down the stairs. 

  As I see the familiar sidewalk I grab my AirPods turning them on putting them in and going on Spotify putting the playlist 'classics' on the song thunder road by Bruce Springsteen now playing. Looking around as I walk I could see all the people that were also out and about, I wonder what they were doing up this late no doubt some of them had night shifts at their jobs or some of them were just out for a walk. I could understand that being an insomniac has some perks but most of the time I just wished I wasn't such a night owl honestly any type of sleep would be nice for once.

  I felt the gush of air as cars would come by every now and again giving me more of a chill than there already was tonight, it was fairly chilly tonight not too much though the night was nice and cold with a nice breeze every now again. other than the constant worry that something bad was going to happen I quite enjoy the walks I go on whether it be in the middle of the night or the middle of the day I don't really care since it was fairly quiet in the neighborhood I lived in. everyone seemed to understand the feeling of not wanting to be bothered and respected it as much as possible. I appreciate that really since I go on walks a lot. 

1,215 𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙙𝙨
𝙄 𝙡𝙚𝙛𝙩 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙜𝙪𝙮𝙨 𝙤𝙣 𝙖 𝙘𝙡𝙞𝙛𝙛𝙝𝙖𝙣𝙜𝙚𝙧 𝘼𝙂𝘼𝙄𝙉 𝙨𝙤𝙧𝙧𝙮 𝙗𝙤𝙪𝙩 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙜𝙪𝙮𝙨 𝙗𝙪𝙩 𝙄'𝙡𝙡 𝙢𝙤𝙨𝙩 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚𝙡𝙮 𝙗𝙚 𝙥𝙤𝙨𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙖𝙣𝙤𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧 𝙘𝙝𝙖𝙥𝙩𝙚𝙧 𝙨𝙤𝙤𝙣 𝙨𝙤 𝙙𝙤𝙣'𝙩 𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙧𝙮 𝙗𝙤𝙪𝙩 𝙞𝙩 𝙖𝙡𝙧𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩? 𝙎𝙚𝙚 𝙮𝙖 𝙨𝙤𝙤𝙣! {Fun Fact: This is the very first fanfic I ever wrote/ That started my writing hobby. So I'm sorry you guys had to suffer through it LMAO.}