Akatsuki Oneshots (Based on A Taster of Modern Living and Akatsuki's Shadow)

Hidan annoys the group

Sasori was in the garden fine tuning a new puppet he was making. He was sanding down the wood to create a smooth finish upon the body.

"Do you mind?"

"Nope" Hidan smirked.

He too was in the garden, exercising. Normally he would do this twice a day to keep him busy from the fact that he couldn't sacrifice, along with persistent praying to Jashin in order to reassure his god that he will triple the sacrifices when they find a way back.

Sasori, as a puppet was without emotion but Hidan would always try to rile him up one way or another. Usually back in their timeline, they wouldn't have much time with others other than their own partners. Only seeing them in passing, group missions or at meetings. But being here gave Hidan plenty of time to spread his annoyance around the group. He was stretching way too close to Sasori, stating that he was here first and yet Sasori was completely on the other end of the garden to Hidan when he came out here.

He would of stayed in the living room but Itachi denied him of sanding and making a mess inside the house, he didn't feel you would appreciate the dust and mess when you come back from work.

Anyway, it was clear that Sasori was getting irritated because in a flash his chakra strings glistened from his fingertips and died down shortly after. He stood up with his puppet in his arms and left the garden. Re-entering the living room, he perched himself down and started working on the rest, "Oh..Kakuzu, your partner needs you".

Kakuzu side eyed Sasori from him book that he was reading on the sofa, "Is it important?"

"You probably won't hear the end of it if you take your time"

Kakuzu sighed, flipping his book shut in his hand and went to the garden. As he opened the door he paused at the sight. Black Zetsu was holding Hidan's head in his hands taunting him about eating it and no one will care. "Thank Jashin, Kakuzu!!! Sew me back up! I'm going to kill that puppet boy! And get me away from this fucker, I don't trust him!!"

Zetsu snickered and tossed Hidan's head towards Kakuzu before returning to watering the plants, "What did you do this time?"

"What did I do?! Do you see me here? I'm the one in two pieces!!"

Kakuzu knelt down and lifted up Hidan's body upright as he adjusted his stitches to repair the immortal back to one piece, "Forget I asked"

**

A thud was heard on the front door. Not an ordinary knock either, which caused the group in the living room to look at one another, unsure of the sound. It didn't affect Tobi though, he skipped to the door, peeping through the hole, "Who is itttttt~~"

"Ughhhhh...."

"Tobi doesn't know a ughhhhhh, sorry~~"

"Tobi it's me... I forgot my key..."

"Tobi doesn't know a me either, sorryyyyy ~"

"Tobi just let [Y/N] in, hm"

"oh [Y/N]-chan!!" He swung the door open to see you flop on the floor in front of him, he dragged you by the arms into the living room and closed the front door behind him.

Tobi dragged you in the middle of Deidara, Tobi and Hidan's card game that they were having on the floor.

"Are you alright?" Kisame looked over at you laying on the ground in the center of the living room, flat on your front. You mumbled into the carpet as a response.

Deidara poked the back of your head. You rolled onto your back and unfurled your arms which laid upon Hidan and Deidara, "I'm soooooo...sooo.. tired...today was so busy and crap"

"Rough day?" Hidan said poking at your cheek repetitively, trying to annoy you. You grabbed his finger in your fist and attempted to squeeze but he only laughed at your lack of energy.

Itachi poked his head out the doorway to see and hear the commotion, "Do you want anything to eat, [Y/N]?"

"Can I be handfed from here?"

"Don't be so lazy" Sasori spoke.

Hidan frowned turning his head to the doorway, "Hey how come you don't offer me food when I'm like this?"

Itachi stayed stoic and yet his eyebrow twitched slightly with his response, "Because your presence bothers me"

Tobi rocks forwards and back, "Oooooo Burnnnn"

"Thanks Itachi, but it's too much energy to eat. I just need to die on my bed for a few minutes..take a nap maybe"

"I can always make you something and you can eat it when you're awake?"

You smiled before yawning, "That sounds perfect, thanks Itachiiiii~"

"Come on pipsqueak, get up. Go sleep, and get off the cards so we can finish our game" Hidan flapped his hand in your face as if to shoo you off.

You pouted with wide glistening eyes at Hidan and fake sniffled. He scrunched his face up at you, "What..."

You didn't even respond, you just smiled a cheeky grin with your arms stretched out. His face dropped, "I need words"

"Carry me~"

"No"

"You're like a female Tobi for fuck sake"

"...*sniffles*"

"Don't you dare"

you began to sniffle and fake whimper at him. He rolled his eyes, "Alright, fine!! Arms.." He gestured for you to put your arms around his neck. You smirked at your victory and decided to cause some mischief.

"Oh no..jelly body...heeelp" you spoke so dramatically.

"What? Jelly body?"

You flopped all your weight down as if you couldn't hold yourself up anymore, playing dead. Deidara just laughed at the mess in front of him.

"Ugh just link your hands behind my head or I'll drag you by your leg!"

You laughed at the thought but did as asked. Kakuzu didn't look up from his book but still spoke up, "Hidan, your stitches need more time to —"

It wasn't until half way through that sentence, that Hidan was in a crouched position lifting your weight around his neck. His hands were at your waist ready to hoist you up but Kakuzu's words spoke the truth. Tobi gasped so loudly that it caught the attention of Itachi and Kisame in the kitchen and everybody else in the living room.

What happened horrified you. As Hidan was about to stand up straight, the stitches unraveled on his neck, his body landed limp on top of you, trapping you as his head dropped onto your face causing an accidental, wide eyed, lock of the lips.

His head rolled to the side as you flushed red. All of a sudden you had this burst of energy you previously said you didn't have. You crawled backwards hastily, removing Hidan's heavy body from on top of you and ran into your room, "OhmygodOhmygodOhmygod".

Once the slam of your door was heard, the boys turned their eyes to Hidan, glaring at him.

"Don't look at me...Sasori was the one who cut my head off..if it wasn't for him—"

"Don't blame what just happened now on me"

"Alright, alright..I accept that you're all going to kill me for that, even though it was not my fault!! I didn't plan to fucking do that!! Though I'm not complaining..."

The glares become more and more deathly the more he spoke.

"...But I have one question.. was she horrified of the kiss or the fact my head was ripped off in front of her?"