Akatsuki Oneshots (Based on A Taster of Modern Living and Akatsuki's Shadow)

Requested: Struggles

******************TRIGGER WARNING: Self harm and suicidal thoughts. *****************

This is a request from a dear reader of mine that they wished to be inspired by a song and lack of acceptance. Apologies for the angst, I hope the comfort does its justice. <3

If anyone out there struggles with similar, do not forget to talk to loved ones.

Stay hydrated, eat and keep warm <3

***

To be accepted by your own family and friends is all you ever wanted and something you needed right now. But boy, did it scare you to face that one desire you had. It could be a breath of fresh air, a sense of relief; however it could also make you fall flat on your face. Regretting ever opening up and letting yourself be seen as vulnerable as you felt stating your feelings, sadly in this situation caused instant regret and inner demons to arise once again. Demons you fought back long, long ago.

Oh how you wish you could rewind time and bring those honest words back inside. What a fool, you told yourself. No one will ever accept me for who I am, so why did I try? You spiralled into a negative thought process about yourself. Who even am I at this point?
You left your family home without a proper goodbye. The shock of it all hit you harder than you anticipated and the negativity was too much to handle. All once self worth and belief, vanished and taken from you.

You didn't want to go home that night. As much as you loved everyone there, you were emotionally drained from having to explain everything. You could simply say you don't want to talk about it, but you know you will end up doing so. The look of concern on some of their faces hurt you too much sometimes. You just refused to bare with it right now. You ended up going for a long stroll in the night to clear you mind and escape the wretched feelings inside.

**

"Are we eating yet? Hm" Deidara says laying flat on the floor listening to his stomach growl.
Itachi looks up to the clock, "[Y/N] isn't even home yet"

"They can eat later, I'm starving" Deidara complained.
"Me too!" Hidan joins in.

"Feed yourselves then" he says still looking at the time, contemplating why you're taking so long. All you said to them was that you were visiting family, that was 6 hours ago and it was pitch black outside, late in the winter's night. His immediate thought was that you didn't even take your coat with you, so he sets himself out to see if he can catch you on your way home.

**

An additional hour went by and you ended up seated by the lake's cliff edge, feet dangling. Your cheeks were stained with dry tears that could no longer fall as you found yourself picking away at the dry blood under your finger nails. A habit you started long ago, you even tried to stop it not long before the Akatsuki arrived, they distracted you and made you feel whole in their own little ways at times. Today just hit you a bit too far though. Those demons were loud and proud in your head, they egged you on to suffer and today, you were listening more than ever. The brisk air chilled the hairs on your neck reminding you of your breath crisping in front of you. With a deep shaky inhale you kick a shoe off, watching it fall into the dark abyss below, waiting for the splash. It's far. Dangerously far. Would anyone care?

Enough was enough and it hurt for so long. The thread snapped.

You shuffled a little more forward.

The fact you were no longer scared of this height anymore made you realise this is what the demons want. You place your hands on the edge, pushing yourself forward until a full heavy body pushes your back flat onto the ground with a cradling hand on the back of your head for protection.