nyctophillia

chapter. O6- a falling out?

the next morning, she woke up to find herself in her bed, it was a little groggy but she for a minute had no recollection she went outside yesterday night, until she realised 'how am i in my bed? did adham carry me.' she remembered, she had to say a thank you later on, must of been a struggle to bring her here and tuck her in.

she got ready for the day, as she couldn't bother staying in bed any longer, and it was when adham would typically be awake, she skipped to his door and knocked, "come in" he replied, groaning slightly as he was still tired.

"good morning! also did you carry me to bed? and tuck me in?" she asked. "no. you teleported yourself to bed and tucked yourself in, obviously i did." he replied sarcastically.
"i just want to say, thank you." she replied as she kissed him on the cheek. "anyway that'll be all, i'll leave you to rest." she said.

a few weeks later

they never confessed their affections to each other, if anyone else had been watching, they'd certainly think it was blatantly obvious, but the two left small declarations of their affections, by planting a kiss on their cheek, holding hands under the dinner table.  they were cowards. scared of rejection, like what could be the worst thing that could happen in their perhaps slightly awkward interaction? perhaps they've received enough rejection their life and couldn't stand another, how much until it breaks you, if not already broken after all how can you break something when it's already broken, tattered away.

yelena dreaded this conversation, she had to leave soon atleast, she couldn't live here forever- she didn't want to leave, she pleasantly liked staying here, especially not when she cared so much for her friend although as far as she knew she sent her mother a letter no long ago, she wanted to find her- she missed her company, the nights where they'd sit together and talk like best friends, or when they'd start laughing to the point where their stomachs started to ache, she missed those, but her mother never sent her a letter back, she even included the address, her hope faltered after weeks of no reply. her mind wandered,
'did she care? ever?'

those moments of happiness, now reminded her of the bleak loneliness she felt, of course you could convince yourself you don't miss them, however that makes you miss them that much more, you doubt yourself and every moment with them, alongside them. they may of showed you love, affection, but once you see perhaps a ray of hesitation, a glint of worry - those moments could seem fake, staged, acted.  why couldn't she be the perfect daughter- what was the lack. she felt like a child who'd been forced to grow up, from her childish games, within these few months she learned of the outside world - she'd never been taught.

she considered her options, of her future life - although she'd been welcomed here, as if she was wanted, she felt she was a burden, so sure, yet so wrong. she later decided to find means of travel, refraining from choosing a taxi, after the last fiasco. she somehow brought herself outside adhams door, she knocked lightly and waited outside. "come in." replied a voice, the brunette entered with a small smile tugging at her lips, something about adham just gave her this jittery feeling inside her, like live butterflies in her stomach.. it felt odd and certainly peculiar.

"look, i need to talk to you, i know it's only been a few weeks since i've been staying here, but i need to leave at some point, i can't live here forever." she said softly, it saddened her deeply having to say this, she didn't want to leave him, the boy was perhaps her only proper friend she's ever had, the only one she's felt comfortable with to talk to late at night, or tease or joke around, she didn't want to lose him.

"what? and why not? florence can keep you accommodated and maybe you could get a job or something, so then you wouldn't feel guilty." he replied, a true sense of endearment glistening in his eyes, she had never sensed so much emotion with him, they usually took the quite walks, peacefully sitting in the fields reading or having a little picnic but he concealed his emotions flawlessly, there'd be times where yelena could see through his acts after spending so much time together, but he kept up a mask, and it burned her, that he couldn't show his feelings around her.

"it's not about that, my home isn't here, it's back where i live." she remarked faintly.

the boy got up, grabbed her arms forcefully and looked deep into her eyes, "i thought you lived here now.." he replied, suddenly dropping her arms and leaving.

yelena was left in his room, rubbing her arms slightly, they stung a little after he let go, they seemed almost amaranth. she was shocked to say the least, he never acted like this.

next day at breakfast

it was a seemingly tedious day, the female had no desire to go downstairs for breakfast, sometimes she'd meet adham before he left for his morning walk. she looked at her ceiling, the monotonous colours filling the ceiling. she got up, noticed the constant singing of the small birds, as they cling to the branches of the matured hawthorn trees, their verdant leaves, flowing in the screaming wind. as looked at the large mess in her room, the piles of clothes laying lonesome on the hard wooden floors.

she got ready, and went downstairs, her heart pounding, she sat down at the table, "morning ms. florence." she said and was greeted back, fortunately for her, adham didn't seem to be here, yelena got a plate of blueberry pancakes on her plate, with a cup of orange juice, thanking the elderly woman for the ravishing breakfast.

halfway through her meal, a fatigued looking adham walked in, bags visible under his eyes, he sat down. yelena stole a glance at him, she was met with a unfriendly glance back, there seemed to be a a lot of trying not to make eye-contact after that, he probably didn't sleep well- he'd be like this on some days where his night would be plagued with a series of nightmares.

the week later, she would be allowed to be taken back home, saying a sigh of relief, clearly she couldn't reach her mother currently, she had to replan, if she ever wanted to see her mother again although she seemed to have no desire to even talk to her, but there must be some reason as to why she never got a letter back.. perhaps it got lost in the post? or she just didn't want to talk to her, and with these thoughts created more anxiety for herself than the girl anticipated.

she finished her breakfast, muttered words of gratitude to florence, again, she felt as if she was a burden. she retreated back to her room, she had nothing else she could do anyway. the female put her hair into a messy bun, not bothering to do anything else, she flopped back into the warm bed, the pristine white sheets encasing her, it felt like a cloud as sleep came over her shortly.

———

a few hours later

a knock was heard on her door, 'come in.' she replied, in came the elderly woman. "hello dear, adham informed me that you were thinking of leaving soon? is that right?" she mentioned as yelena sat up in bed and motioned to her bed and florence came over and sat down. "yes, i deeply apologise for not mentioning it sooner."

"i don't think it's a wise idea to leave now, you told me you sent a letter to your mother but you never received a response and if you do go back home, how are you going to pay for anything and i'm sure you need help with stuff to be taken care of, you're almost 17 soon." she replied

"i'm grown up now. i don't know i could get a job there?"

"get a job near here. then we'd be certain that you're safe."

"i'll see after all is it nice to have you and adham for company, thank you for the advice." replied yelena, not being able to hold back a smile. she'd contemplate on her options, perhaps she could get a job working at a shop, or helping out at the market, she didn't want to stay here, it made her feel as though she lived off the earnings of others, which she did, she owned the two residents living at this desolate manor, a colossal debt.