Childhood Neighbour, Adulthood Saviour

Insecurity

 "you are so frustrating Sebastian! This is a party, we are here to have fun," i complain. 

   "i'm not fighting with you Em," he sighs. "I'm only staying a couple of hours, whether you come with me or not, but you can't get so drunk you can't take care of yourself if you plan to stay." He says before just walking off to talk to a group of his friends. I feel my skin get hot, i was absolutely fuming, we came here to have fun together. So far he has tried to control how much i drink, when we were going to leave, and now he was off with friends not even acknowledging me.

   Maybe deep down i knew i was being unreasonable, but my more shallow side just did not care, if he could have fun with others, so could i. I find a couple of guys standing not too far from Sebastian, so i head over and start talking to them. Every now and then i could feel Sebastian's eyes on me, and in those moments i would laugh extra hard at whatever the guys in front of me would say. i playfully slapped their arms, i played with my hair, i did every possible flirting technique i could possibly think of, but Sebastian never bit, and eventually i noticed he wasn't even looking my way at all anymore. The guys beside me kept talking, but i couldn't even muster up the energy to pretend to care anymore.

   Then it hit me, i haven't flirted with anyone in years, because i didn't need too. I landed my childhood crush, i was living my actual dream, why the hell did i need to make him jealous? why did i need to get plastered or stay late? After my emotional 180, i head over to where Sebastian was with his friends and tug at his elbow. He looks down at me but doesn't say anything.

   "i am going to go home," isn't quite what i meant to say, but that's how it came out. I try again. "i called a cab, you are right, i don't need to get drunk or come to every party ever thrown." i sigh as he takes a slow sip of his beer. "i just didn't want you to be wondering where i was," i shrug.

   "alright," he says to me before turning to the guys. "see you guys later, we are heading home." some of the guys try to convince him to stay, but he just laughs them off. We both head outside and wait for the cab, but something feels off. I wasn't used to being this close to him without him touching me in some way. holding my hand, his arm around my shoulders or my waist, any sort of physical touch. i tried to hold his hand, but a couple of seconds later he mysteriously had to do something with both of his hands so he let go. The cab shows up and takes us home, the whole ride is completely silent. Once we are home he still doesn't say anything, he just changes into his grey sweatpants and a blue tee and sis down on the couch. Before he has the chance to turn on the TV i sit next to him. 

   "I am sorry i argued with you about the party," i own up to it. He looks at me but doesn't really say anything, so i continue. "You were right, i didn't need to get plastered, and there is nothing wrong with going to a party for just a couple of hours." when he still doesn't reply i feel panic setting in. "I am sorry Sebastian... please don't be mad at me..."

   "you think... you think i'm mad because you whined about the party?"

   "i don't understand... if you aren't mad at me for that then why are you mad?"

   "i am not mad at all Em..."

   "something is wrong though, please let me fix it Seb..."

   "Do you regret accepting my proposal?"

   "WHAT?" i snap, my eyes widen and i'm sure my jaw literally drops.

   "Do you feel like you didn't have time to 'test the waters' or whatever?"

   "what the fuck are you talking about?"

   "language Em." he warns, before sighing and continuing. "I saw you with the other guys, and it made me realize that you never really took the time to date people, to live a normal college life... random hookups, limitless parties..."