I'm Not Crazy(Ashton Irwin)

What the hell is wrong with him?

(BLAST ARSONISTS LULLABY BY HOZIER FOR THIS CHAPTER, AS MANY TIMES AS IT TAKES YOU TO FINISH IT. JUST KEEP IT ON REPLAY) 

 

Day 3, September 23, 2014. 

Dear Journal, they let me out of my room today. Fucking finally. They left me in there so that they could do that stupid standard 72 hour hold on suicide attempt victims, I have no clue what I'm even doing here. I'm just waiting for my parents to miss me enough to come get me from this hellhole. Anyway, there's a boy here for the same reason as I am, his name is Ashton. I'm pretty sure he's like in love with me. He brings me food everyday at noon for lunch, he even draws me cheesy little flowers to bring with my food. I don't want to fall in love with him, so I just choose to push him away. Am I wrong for doing that? I don't even know why I am asking you, I know you aren't going to reply to me.. Whatever, today's entry is done. I'll be back tomorrow with new details on Ashton.. who I WILL NOT fall in love with.  

-Cass. 

I slammed the notebook shut and made my way to the door, sitting across the hall was Ashton. 'That little fucker' I think to myself as I see him sitting upside down on the bench, his eyes were shut and he had a smile on his face. I quietly padded over to him and began tickling him, laughing like a madman. His eyes shot open and he caught my wrists, with a harsh shove he pushed me away and got up quickly. I watched as he stormed to his room, my eyes widening by the second. My hands began to shake as I walked to his room, I began to pound on the door. 

"Ashton! Open the door!!"  

I scream out, the door swung open and there he was.. tears in his eyes, his body shaking. I wrapped him in a hug, my hands tangling in his hair.  

"Please talk to me.. What's wrong?" 

I mumble into his shoulder, he just shakes his head before speaking. 

"You'll hate me if I tell you.." 

I pull away and look in his eyes, the pads of my thumbs wiping tears from his face. I shake my head, a small smile tugging on my lips. 

"No, I won't.. Please, just tell me sweetpea." 

He shakes his head again before grabbing my face and slamming his lips against mine, my eyes widen before I begin to kiss him back. His hands grip my hips as he pulls me into his room, Ashton's feet kicked the door shut before pulling me towards the bed. Our lips never leaving each others, my eyes shoot open and I push him off of me.  

"No! This can't happen!!"  

I scream before running out of his room, tears pouring down my face. My bedroom door is open as I make my way into it, shutting it tightly as well as pushing a chair against the door to get some alone time. I slid down the wall, my hand over my mouth in an attempt to muffle the sobs that came through my mouth. 'You're so pathetic. He doesn't like you, he just pities you.' The voices in my head becoming prominent. I let my forehead fall onto my knees, my breathing becoming frantic. I looked at the cuts that were from the week prior to my coming here, the healing process was a lot faster than I thought it would be considering how deep each of them were. I could hear pounding on the door, followed by Ashton's voice begging me to let him in.  

"Cassandra! PLEASE!?"  

I got up and looked around something I could use against myself. I saw the mirror in my room had a large couple of cracks in it, the pen on my desk was soon in my grasp as I attempted to pry a piece of the sharp edged mirror off of the wall. Finally, a piece broke off and onto the pillow. I picked it up and began to drag it across my wrist, the blood dripping onto the blanket. A whimper passed through my lips, Ashton began banging on the door. I could tell by the loud noises that he was throwing himself at the door, trying to force it open. I stumbled to the desk and used the pen to write a quick note to Ashton.  

I'm Sorry. 

I felt my body go weak as I dropped to the floor, my vision darkening by the second. I gripped the leg of the chair in a last resort to let him find me like this, I heard the door open as my eyes shut. Ashton picked me up into his arms and began screaming for help, my vision focusing in and out of consciousness. I picked up my hand and rest it on his face,  

"Don't fall in love with me.. I'm too broken and will just break you too." 

I weakly say as I close my eyes and fall unconscious. 

*Ashton's point of view* 

As her eyes shut and her hand dropped from my face, I began to shake her frantically. Loud sobs left my body as I watched her body fall limp, tiny breaths barely leaving her lips. The blood from her wrists was on my cheek, mixing with my tears. I pressed my lips to hers before the doctors came in and pulled her out of my grasp, I sat there sobbing as she was ripped away from me. Her words replaying in my head, how could I not fall in love with her? When she first arrived, I knew that I was going to.. She was just so fucking beautiful, my heart began to pound at the sight of her.  

"But I already have.." 

I mumble to myself before getting up and walking back to my room, I laid down on my bed and began to cry. Just 20 minutes ago, she was in here.. kissing me.. I could've protected her and held her as she cried.. But she is right, she is broken.. it's up to me to help her get better, maybe I can be the glue that holds her together..