Little Snowflakes (Eremin Fanfic)

Thinking Too Hard

Hi everyone! Sadly, for the past few days, I've been stuck at 21 reads. Oh well. Here's some more... I've been writing a lot, I just haven't published it, and I've figured out that I can write a lot more on Armin's POV than Eren's POV. Anyway, I've gotten 1 vote (thank you so much, whoever you are), but no comments. I like comments! I can literally hear the crickets. It only takes up a few seconds of your time! Sorry... I think I'm being obnoxious at this point. Alright, that's all I have to say... read on! 

 Eren’s POV

Finally—the weekend. The first week of school had dragged on for so long—even though we only started on Wednesday.

In fact, my whole summer has dragged. And it’s all because of one little suggestion from one little micro dick nugget in the back of my brain.

Whatever.

I decided on the first day that I missed being around Armin and that I felt bad about drifting away from him. I’ve tried to talk to him more, but it seems like the more mature he gets the shyer he is. At least he still is the same person as he was at the beginning of 6th grade. Isn’t one of those bastards that smokes pot every living hour of the day like the rest of the juniors at this dumb school do.

I didn’t know what to think of his speech today, though.

I just can’t believe…

He’s gay.

I definitely don’t have a problem with gay people, but I felt like I should’ve seen this coming, considering Armin’s personality.

I didn’t, though. It was shocking news.

To think that he came out to, like, 650 kids, it just surprised me.

That’s not him.

I told him that he was brave—he was. That would’ve been a brave move for the most open kid in the school, but here was Armin doing it, and… that’s really saying something.

He seemed embarrassed. I could understand why; this school is judgemental as f*ck. I felt bad. I had a feeling nobody would join that club.

I realized he hadn’t even gotten my opinion on his sexuality. He probably thought I was like every other kid in this damn school and that I would push him into the wall. I looked him straight in the eye. His ice blue eyes, calm, in a way, but fierce, telling everyone a look from him could turn them into an icicle. He looked up, his blushed cheeks standing out. A single, very unnoticable tear was in the corner of his left eye. “Armin, I want you to know that you are still my good friend, ok?” I said with a serious tone. No matter if you’re gay, straight… I don’t give a shit, Armin.

I sat on my bed and got onto my laptop. No point in doing homework, of course. Friday. As far as I’m concerned, Friday and Freedom start with the same fricken letters. I got onto YouTube and decided to see the new video Troye Sivan had posted. Yes, I watch Troye Sivan. No, I’m not gay. I like his music, and one day I decided to check out his videos.

I noticed Troye Sivan had posted a new video and I clicked on it, not seeing the title.

And then I heard him talk.

And I saw the title.

“Coming Out”.

I knew he was gay. I had figured that out a while before this. He just… is.

Should’ve I known that about Armin?

Should’ve I been more helpful? More supportive?

After watching it, I just lay back in bed and thought.

I didn’t want to think about it anymore. The thing that had haunted me all summer. I was tired of considering it. I like girls. I’ve dated girls. I’ve never kissed a girl, or anyone, sadly, but it would probably better than kissing a boy.

Much better, Eren.

Then why am I thinking about this so much? Why is it troubling me so much to the point where I can’t even sleep some nights?

Am I… really?

I could be bi. That wouldn’t be as bad.

I just should date another girl. If I date another girl, I definitely won’t seem gay, even to myself. I’ll figure out that I’m straight. It will be fine.

But what if I’m not straight?

This thought was always coming back. I wasn’t sure about myself. Sure, I was one of the best basketball players on my team, but at this point, it wasn’t making a difference for me. I thought I knew myself, but apparently I don’t.

And it’s really bugging me.

The weekend came and passed, and soon enough, it was Monday. I was ready. I had no idea what I was doing, absolutely no flirting skills, and boy, I was energized as f*ck.

But although I tried my hardest to get a girl’s attention the whole day, nothing worked.

I realized what I was doing. I mean, it was Monday. Who the hell is excited on a Monday? I was turning even more into a fag. *guys, trust me, i totally would never call anyone that and it’s really mean but you can probably guess that the thoughts going through his mind are kind of whacked and he’s really confused so he’s kinda mad (as eren gets at everything)*

I always thought I knew who I was. In 7th grade, I joined the basketball team. When I joined, it felt like I belonged there. I made friends with some of the popular guys, and it felt really good. I realized I had good basketball skills, actually, which made me seem even cooler.

But was that just a placeholder for me?

Was it just my safe hiding place for my mind? To escape?

“GOD! Shut UP for once!” I cried out, sort of talking to my conscience. Jesus, was I really doing that? I lay down, stomach facing the bed, groaning loudly. What did I ever do to deserve this crap? Can someone make a decision for me?

Can’t I just be damn straight?

Well, there y'all have it! Stay tuned for more and please take a few seconds to comment what you think, I'd really appreciate it. I know it's crap so far but there will be BETTER THINGS COMING XD ok bye!!!