Heal My Heart, Dr. Yoon ⚕ jc

01

Forgotten

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I was unconscious.

I really didn't knew why I was doing this.

It was confusing just as it was scary. It was making me dizzy trying to think how one moment I was lying down in white sheets, and the next I was walking towards an edge.

If I try to distinguish where I am, I am on top of the rooftop. Where it is cold and is raining.

Nothing else to hear but water falling from the stars, clashing into any seen surface... it was the sound of the rain.

Sound of thousands of raindrops that was flowing from atop of my head towards the ends of my hair and travels to the tip of my nose, framing my face till it eventually drenches my white hospital gown.

It was silence with nothing heard other than that and my unusual thumping heart.

It was racing so fast and when I looked down, my feet was bare and mindlessly walking on a cold cemented floor of the rooftop.

Now looking ahead, I realized I was walking towards the edge of it, towards the only safe barrier and I can't seem to stop myself even if I tried to. However...

The closer I felt, the clearer the sky became.

The more numb I have become, the lightheaded I was and I felt like I was floating. It was numb but it was in a good way, it was as if any burden I felt was lifting off of me.

The closer I got, the warmer I felt, the safer I got... The happier I became.

The bright yellow light was getting bigger as if swallowing me in its blinding light. So I placed a hand to cover my eyes and noticed how a hospital needle connecting to whatever repeatative machine was pricked on it.

Heart beat that was once racing fast became slower as my feet continued to wander towards the end.

And when I glanced down I saw nothing but clouds, ready to catch me and bring me to wherever I would feel safe.

When I climbed on top of the barrier, and when I stood still at the very edge.

I was free.

Now the rain had stopped.

The sun has replaced the dark sky and gave warmth to the wind that passed by my loosely tied hospital gown.

My feet which were marching on cemented floors was now on the small bar on top of the edge.

I was safe and I was ready to jump.

But somehow another warmth had surrounded me. I was slowly pulled down and now my feet lands back to the gray floor.

A face had buried itself in my nape, warm and calm she breathed. When I looked down, slender arms were wrapped around my waist, turning around...

I saw nothing but an unclear short black hair and features I can't seem to see properly.

Whether it was caused by rain or not, I had to see her face but squinting and enlarging my eyes were useless. She wrapped me in her arms again, this time we were facing each other and with no hesitation, I hugged her too.

Almost a second later the rain eventually came back.

My heart started beating fast and louder this time as it was pressed against her chest.

As if the she had revived me back to life, pulling me away from the comfort the light has given me.

All feelings of numbness went away and ability to get hurt thrown back at me, It felt cold, but in her arms I was warm...

I should've pushed her away, should've ran to the light where endless rain seemed to stop. Where endless pain is nonexistent...

But I welcomed her embrace, with her, I was safe... That even when it rains, that even when it's risky to get hurt,

I was contented and I was where I was meant to be.

I may be brought back under the rain, but it didn't matter because at least I was with her.

I pulled away after a few moments, and immediately after loosing her warmth for a few seconds I longed for it like it was gone for an eternity.

"Who are you?" I asked and coughed after.

Wanting to know who had provided me warmth even when it's cold.

Wanting to know who had proved you can feel sunshine even when it rains.

She looked up, her features were delicate and I wish I could see it clearly. Her hands remained on my torso and her red lips were puckered as if challenging me to land my lips on hers.

She then chuckled lightly, murmuring a soft, "Don't you know who I am?"

I didn't answer, of course I wouldn't ask if I knew. she seemed to pick up quickly.

"If I tell you my name would you remember me?"

I didn't knew what it meant but I surely did not want to forget her in any way.

So I promised...

"If you tell me, I promise I wouldn't forget you, I would find you."

though features can't be seen, I knew she smiled,

She reached out for my hair, tangling her fingers on my wet locks, the other hand rested on my chest, caressing it with so much love.

Her lips landed on the tip of my nose as she whispered,

"My name is..."

"Nurse!"

Her name was nurse?

"Nurse, my son is awake!!"

I woke up.

I looked around, can't forget how my mother cried in joy, how the nurses and doctors smiled.

But the person I wasn't supposed to forget was forgotten.

But how can I remember when I didn't even heard her name? When I haven't even seen her face?

"Mom where is she?"

I calmly asked. She looked at me with furrowed eyebrows, almost confused just as me.

I looked around, not catching a glimpse of familiarity, the way I felt with the girl, I can't seem to find.

When I received nothing but anxious silence, calmness long gone and I jolted to sit up.

"Mom, where is she?!"

I don't even know how many times have I asked for her presence.

But the number of times doubled when I internally asked myself....

Who is she, and why am I finding her?

The question was left unanswered.

But my promise to never forget her was ongoing. The promise I can't let go. She, whom I can never let go.

Until she became a missing piece, a missing warmth that I've been looking for.

—that was 3 years ago. And now I am longing for something I can't remember.