Lucid Desires

Prologue

"Sex is natural. It is normal. It is a need. It can be our responsibility towards fulfilling the desires of our partners, or pleasure that most of us get addicted to."

I sighed and glued my eyes to my notebook as I heard Mr. Landers, my Psychology instructor, implied how sex can be a vital part of our existence. He keeps on repeating that idea every time we are talking about needs, and wants, and pleasures. And he repeated it now for the hundredth time, I guess. He's right. Sex can be good, but I belong to the minority of people who don't care about that, not because I haven't experienced it but because I know that somehow it can ruin our lives. Really.

It's been a month since school started, and I am so thankful that I was able to get through the stressful times of the previous academic years. Those years prepared me to confidently face the upcoming academic challenges. And now, I am in the third-year level, closer to the finish line, with nothing but hopes and dreams that someday I will become a chef and a writer at the same time.

While Mr. Landers kept on talking, I shifted my gaze outside the window, and someone caught my attention. A girl, whose tears sparkled when struck by the subtle light of the twilight, was facing a guy with a dragon tattoo on his neck. I was in the middle of formulating my own explanation about what's happening between the two strangers when the girl slapped the guy so hard in the face, leaving a pinkish mark. Then I was right. It's a lover's thing. I hate seeing scenes like this, but I want to rewind the part when the girl slapped the guy. It's so satisfying to watch, at least for me. I could watch it all day.

"Ms. Reyes, can you tell me what G-spot is?" Mr. Landers asked, pinning his gaze to me.

I could hear elicited waves of laughter increasing, then decreased as I stood up. My knees were trembling and my hands were shaking, not because I don't know what G-spot is, but because it's my first time being asked about sexual matters by a man, and it made me feel uncomfortable somehow.

"Umm, it is originally known as Grafenberg spot...and it refers to a massive tissue held to exist on the anterior vaginal wall and is highly...umm," I paused, easing my nervous self. "...erogenous," I continued.

"Now, what do you feel when your partner reached your G-spot while having intercourse?" Mr. Landers asked me again while he's walking back and forth across the endpoints of the whiteboard.

A deafening silence filled the room, escalating the embarrassment stirring inside me. Their mocking glances were darting me and I felt like I was standing inside a room with ovens turned on to a hundred degrees Celcius as my sweat gleamed on my forehead.

"I...umm...I don't know. I haven't tried it before," I stuttered. "I haven't experienced sex before."

I froze. I felt like I was going to collapse anytime when I heard my classmates talking about me. Their voices buzzed like there were an army of bees lurking around, waiting for the right time to sting me, or my dignity.

"Awwe, how sweet? Ms. Genius is a virgin," a guy at the back yelled, making all of them laugh at me like I was telling a joke they never heard of before. "Who wants to volunteer?" he added.

I could feel my cheeks heating up. I wanted to run outside the room and pretend I didn't exist, but I chose not to. I sat down and ate all the embarrassment I got from answering Mr. Landers' questions. My tears wanted to fall and my heart beats like it's pumping my boiling blood to be distributed to my taut nerves.

What's the problem with being a virgin? At least I didn't push myself to experience that crazy stuff. I know it's a normal topic for adults, but it's so hard to be in a society where losing virginity seemed to be a trend.