Sanders Sides One Shots

Virgil's done with life

Summary: For some unknown reason, Virgil keeps finding strangers who share the same face as him. He hates the universe.

Pairing: none

Warnings: swearing, mentions of shouting, food. Let me know if you want me to add anything else please!

This is a little crackfic written for Virgil's birthday, please don't take this seriously lmao

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Virgil Murk was having a normal day. He was at the supermarket looking for some cookies, after all. Not much could happen, right?

Except for the stranger walking down the aisle. The stranger with big round glasses, a light blue shirt, a cardigan, and his exact same face.

Yep, still a normal day for Virgil.

He sighed, grabbed a package of Oreos, and continued walking. It would be weirder if it hadn't happened four different times already.

He remembered the first time. He had just moved towns, it was his first day of school. He was sitting by himself, not bothering anyone, but his teacher decided that his existence was bothersome so she should address the other identical person to him in the room.

It was her fault, of course, that this mess started.

"Are you Roman Del Rey?"

He raised a brow. "No, my name is Virgil."

She glanced down at her list of students. "I think there was a problem with the paperwork. Your twin is on my list, but I can't find any Virgil Del Rey here."

He stared at her with a blank expression for three seconds. "My what now?"

She looked up again. "Your twin. Roman," she clarified.

"I'm sorry," he said slowly, "but it seems you're mistaking me for someone else. I don't have a twin."

The teacher frowned at him, then pointed at another kid.

Virgil blinked owlishly. Because yes, they looked exactly the same. Virgil had piercings and dyed hair, though, and his clothes were dark. The other kid was the opposite in that sense; he had no perforations nor dyed hair, and his clothes were bright and colorful. He was also talking to a large group of people, confidence radiating off of him. So, not similar to Virgil at all.

But there was no mistaking. The boy- Roman, he reminded himself- was his twin.

That was nice. Except it was not.

Now he'd have to deal with all the questions, and he just didn't have the willpower to do that. So he simply sat back in his chair, flicked on his hood, and pointedly ignored his teacher's confusion. He made clear who he was while she took attendance, then made a mental note to quit that class. It was optional, anyway.

That had worked for him pretty well. His school was too big for them to meet again- the first time it had happened it had been too big of a coincidence, so he trusted it wouldn't happen again.

And it didn't. He had almost forgotten about the incident, actually, up until the second time it happened.

It was only a couple of years after the encounter with Roman, and just as unexpected.

He was simply entering the shopping mall, nothing out of the ordinary, when loud laughter caught Virgil's attention.

There was a guy holding an aerosol can, standing in front of fresh graffiti. It read "eat the rich". Virgil chuckled at it; he agreed wholeheartedly.

But then a couple of policemen came out of the mall and went to talk to- more like shout at- this guy. Virgil watched from afar, a bit amused by the situation, until the guy was turned around by the officers so they could put on handcuffs. That wiped Virgil's smile quickly.

Because that was, once again, someone with the same face as him.

Virgil's first thought was the boy from school, Roman, but it was clearly not him. The memory he had of him just... didn't match this guy.

The painted wall, upon closer inspection once the officers were gone, revealed another sentence in the same sparkly pink as the one painted by this twin of his- twin? triplet? who knew?- and just as new.

"Remus was here."

That meant that graffiti guy wasn't Roman, then.

Fucking amazing. Note the sarcasm.

Virgil turned around and never went back to that mall.

Now, Virgil hoped that his precautions would help him prevent having to face the situation. He didn't want to acknowledge it, that would be too weird for him, and he had no interest in knowing these people. His life was fine as it was, thank you very much.

The Fates, however, didn't seem to get the memo. And that's why it happened a third time.

He remembered that day pretty well. It was a common morning, in which Virgil woke up and refused to say a word to anyone until he had gotten his cup of coffee. He had followed his usual routine, then, of waking up, going to the kitchen, and turning on the TV to listen to the news as he made his coffee.

As previously stated, it was his usual routine. Except it was not.

"Today, we've been granted an interview with a figure of power in order to put an end to the recent rumors," the reporter was saying. "Good morning, Mr. Vice president. This is Logan Moore from the Associated Press, and I'm here to ask you about-"

Virgil lazily looked up from his cup of coffee. He froze as his eyes fell upon the reporter, whose features matched his own.

He decided it was too early to deal with this shit.

He turned off the TV, put his cup on the sink, turned around, and went back to sleep.

He would, of course, ignore the situation too once it wasn't early anymore.

And ignore it he did. He didn't talk about it with anyone, and any thoughts about it were promptly cut off.

Until it happened yet again. Because the universe loved to fuck around with Virgil.

It was just a new doctor, for fuck's sake!

And still, when Virgil opened the door, he found yet another one of his long lost brothers.

"Five," he whispered in absolute bewilderment. "That makes five of us. What the fuck."

Doctor Janus blinked at him without saying a single word. He was still in shock, it seemed. His mouth was just slightly ajar.

"I'm sorry," the doctor said carefully, "what?"

"Dude, if only I knew."

Virgil stared miserably at the man in front of him, wondering when his life had become so undeniably pathetic.

So, as was logical, Virgil stood up while muttering some colorful words, gave a rushed, halfhearted apology to Janus, and left.

He held absolutely no intentions of ever going back. If he could run from his problems, he would do just that.

There was no need to properly address the situation, after all.

And that was why, when he saw the bubbly stranger identical to himself walking down the supermarket aisle, Virgil simply sighed, cursed the fates, grabbed his Oreos, and went on with his life.