Lie to Me

Lie to Me Part 6

~~Him

Reminiscing with her for over an hour was amazing. Reminding each other of the story of how we met. Our first night together. Falling in love. Moving in with each other. Getting engaged. Then buying our house.

"Do you still live there?" She asked me softly.

"Yeah. I don't want to get rid of it either. It holds so much of us there that I can't bear to let it go. I thought about it but I could never go through with it." I answered honestly. I looked at her as she was nodding.

"Where we are now is my fault. It started with the lies of me going out. My drinking was out of control by the time you left. Hell it was out of control before then." I mentioned honestly.

We needed to get to the nitty gritty of this and really talk about that night. The night I lost everything I ever wanted in life.

She stated at me. She was frozen. The look in her eyes was so sad. I can't stand that. I shook my head and looked down.

"You started drinking the night you guys called your hiatus. You went out to the same bar you always did down the street and got shit faced. The only reason I knew was because the bartender took your phone and dialed me. I was your emergency contact." Her voice was barely above a whisper.

"Every night from there in out I picked you up at that bar. You were either passed out at the bar or singing karaoke if it was a good night. You would sleep all day and like clockwork while I was making dinner you would leave." She went on.

I sat there staring as she told me about the nights she would come pick me up at the bar. Passed out and bringing me home. The nights she put me to bed if it was a good night or the nights I would scream and yell at her. It tore me down with every word she spoke.

"Fuck bear. I never...I didn't realize..." I started. She started shaking her head.

"What matters is that you are ok now. Have you drank since rehab?" She asked looking at me.

"I relapsed once. It was the 2nd night I was out. I had just gotten to our house and went in our room. It was a trigger." I said honestly.

"Have you been in there since?" She asked softly.

"Fuck no. I'm too afraid too. All your stuff is in there that you left." I said running a hand through my dirty blonde hair.

We talked for a little bit more and I watched myself stare at her more and more. She was talking about what happened after that. How she slowly moved her stuff out of the house. How when she graduated she knew it wasn't getting any better. And then the final night when she left her ring on the mantle. The night she saw me with someone else.

"Who was she?" She finally asked.

"Honestly? No clue. To this day I have no clue. I just know she was someone at the bar that night." I said. I lowered my head into my hands. I do remember the right we had before I went out. How she cried as I yelled at her. I blamed her for the hiatus, my drinking, and my anger. She just took it. She sat there on the living couch and fucking took it. Tears were all I got from her and at the time that just enraged me more.

I left that night more angry then I ever have been. My subconscious screaming at me to run back inside and throw myself on the ground in front of her and beg for her forgiveness. But I kept walking. I walked to that damn bar and I got shit faced. More then I ever had before.  When she came to pick me up that night she caught me in the bathroom fucking that girl up against the wall. I remember her catching me. I remember her whispering my name and my body freezing.

My whole body after that just shut down. I don't remember. I remember waking up the next morning praying to anything that it was all a dream. That she was in our bed. Sleeping and she had left me on the couch. I would make it right. I would make us right. I would hold her again and take her to the music festivals she loved that were in a valley in Pennsylvania.

But when I finally stood up I saw her ring on the mantle. With a post it note attached to the mantle. The post it note that's in my wallet right now. It simply said, "More then ever." It was how she always told me she loved me. I love you more then ever.

I looked up at her and she was staring at me. But had the most confused look on her face.

"What?" I asked hoarsely.

"Did you mean all that?" She asked. "Do you still have the note in your pocket?"

My eyes widened. "Did I just think all of that out loud?" I asked.

She nodded and smiled slightly. I always talked out loud. She would laugh from another room because she would hear me rambling on and on about something. Sometimes she would even join in on my what I thought were one-sided conversations.

"Fuck. I always end up doing that." I said laughing lightly.

She smiled again. "You should be more honest like that. It's needed. Especially now. I think that gave me some weird closure that I kind of needed to move on." She said.

That's when my heart dropped. Move on? I don't want to move on. But maybe the damage I did was so bad there there will never again be an us. But I hoped that even deep deep down in her beautiful heart that she loved me.