Meeting Sarah/A Jordan Knight FanFic (Completed)✔️

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Sarah's version of a letter was exactly what I'd needed.

Our love story, though short, was powerful.

It was pure and genuine.

I couldn't sit there and dwell on the fact that she was no longer with me. I needed to focus on Lyra because that's what was important to us. That was what she cared about the most.

The letter also made me turn the house upside down and inside out looking for any more videos. I plugged in every USB I found. She couldn't have left me just one. That was unfair. I deserved more than one goodbye letter. But for months, I couldn't find another even though I had thoroughly searched the house. The scavenger hunt forced me to clean up the house. It forced me to deal with things.

Leslie had gone back to her regular life in Chicago; my mother had stopped hovering. Everyone backed away because that letter had pulled me out of my funk. It forced me to go through all of her things and put them away. Without even knowing it Sarah was forcing me to heal and move on.

Cleaning out our closet was the hardest. Her scent, though faint, still lingered on her clothes. When I reached the back of her closet and found the yellow dress she wore when I brought her to meet my parents, my knees gave out. She was the first girl I'd ever brought home, and within minutes, she had won my family's hearts. I gently folded the soft cotton material and added it to a pile. I put everything in bins, I couldn't, wouldn't, throw her things out. They would all be saved for Lyra and when she was old enough she would decide what to do with them. I wasn't forgetting about Sarah, I could never, but I was beginning to understand that I couldn't hold on to her physical things.

#

The band, as a whole, had decided that there wouldn't be a tour for our second album that was dedicated to Sarah. SoCal thought I was insane for pulling away from the industry, but I didn't want to be the face of the band. I wanted to continue creating music, but I had a different priority now. I focused on my relationship with Lyra, becoming more active in her life. Two months had passed, and my life had gone back to some kind of normal. Every day was a new adventure.

In late June, I asked my mother to go back home. If Lyra and I were going to make it on our own, we had to figure it out together.

I did everything for my little girl.

From summer camps, to American Girl tea parties, I gave her the world. She would come with me to the studio and sit next to me on the soundboard and learn which button did what. When Sally had us over for dinner Lyra would entertain Eddy and when he was down for a nap she would sit at the table and tell Axel about school. It had taken some time but we were both adjusting to the fact that our family was going to be just the two of us.

#

I found the second video Sarah had left for me in the strangest place possible. She knew me a lot better than I had given her credit for. I had searched the house inside and out looking for another video. I was convinced she had only left me the one and I was pissed. But when my hands held onto that USB I shook my head, looked up at the ceiling and smiled up at her. She had placed it in the last box of coffee in the cupboard. It was the one place I had not looked.

Sarah had laughed at me when I had bought twelve large boxes of the Keurig cup coffee when she first started chemo. She joked how no one would be able to finish six hundred cups of coffee in four months. I wanted to stay awake if she needed me. I'd figured the nights would be long, and I wanted to be by her side.

I remember the conversation we had so vividly in my mind. It was the first time she had laughed that week.

I arrived home from the grocery store with bags filled with coffee. "What are you going to do with all that coffee?" She asked, while I began to place each box on top of the counter. She had sat at the kitchen table her hands hugged a mug filled with tea, though she couldn't live without her coffee the tea helped calm her nerves and nausea. "I never imagined that you would open up a coffee shop but I can see it now." She moved her hand in the air as if she was looking at a marquee. "Coffee shop owner by day, Rock Star by night. You fit that whole Emo—I'm kind of lost in the world—look."

I chuckled and walked over to her. Brushing her hair off of her face, I gave her a soft kiss on her lips.

I held the USB in my hand. My eyes still couldn't believe what I was seeing. She had left me another love letter.

"Daddy," Lyra called out for me.

I put the USB in my pocket and finished getting her breakfast ready before I had to take her to camp. I couldn't watch it in front of Lyra, but waiting seemed like a lifetime away. Once I'd kissed Lyra goodbye, I walked back to my car and pulled out my laptop.

Her lips were puckered together, frozen on my screen. I hit the play button, and her voice greeted me. "Hi." She smiled and bit her lower lip. Unlike the last video, she looked tired in this one. Her skin wasn't glowing, and it looked like she had lost a lot of weight. My heart ached realizing how fragile she'd looked when she died.

"I guess you finally finished all that coffee you bought." She paused for a second her eyes looked deep into the camera. She was sitting on our bed, her hair fanned out on the white pillow.

"How are you, Weston? I hope some time has passed and things are getting easier." She inhaled and slowly exhaled. "I say hope because honestly, I have no clue what it must be like for you. I realize that I'm making these videos and I'm not even sure you're watching them. Nonetheless, I need to believe that I know you well enough. I figured you would eventually move the guitar and find the first video. I know you'll touch that before you finish all that coffee you thought would be a good idea to buy in bulk." She giggled and then her face grew into a sad smile.

"I know this can't be easy for you because it's not easy to make these videos. It's like I'm waiting for the day I don't wake up, and it's really hard to think like that. What keeps me going is that I know one day you'll be okay, so you have to promise me that after I'm gone you're going to be okay." Sarah sat up on the bed.

"Jordan, I want to remind you what a wonderful man you are. I wanted to tell you that you're a phenomenal father and Lyra is lucky to have you. I love you, Jordan. I will always love you and remember that I will always live within you. I also wanted to leave you with one last bit of advice." She gnawed on her lower lip.

"It was the best advice the nurse gave me when I had Lyra. The days are long, but the year is fast. Enjoy her, enjoy your life and enjoy the little things together. Don't forget to schedule all of her appointments, dentist, doctors and flu shot. Read to her every night so her imagination continues to grow and always sing to her."

Sarah's eyes widened. "Oh!" She beamed into the camera. "Don't forget to change the batteries in the fire alarms and carbon monoxide detectors." She shrugged and smiled. "I don't know if you changed those lately. I love you, my love. Till I see you again." She blew me a kiss and the video stopped.

I sat in the car for a few minutes and stared at her puckered lips. The days were long, but time was moving fast. This video didn't hurt as much as I'd anticipated. Instead, it gave me the reassurance that I was doing the right things for Lyra.