BLUE - Caitlin Szmerling

SIX

I am running, I don't know where. I look around to see trees everywhere. I don't know what is happening. "Bella!?" I call out, "Bella are you here?!" I spin around trying to find anyone. "Oh honey, I'm right behind you." I turn around to see Bella standing next to the person who was watching us at the restaurant. I notice that she is holding Jamie, but I could tell it wasn't in a loving mother way. "What are you doing?" I ask her, my voice shaking slightly. She chuckles, "Did you really think I would be okay with having a son? I mean come on, they aren't meant to be here." My eyes widen as I realise what she is about to do. "Please don't tell me you're going to do what I think you're going to do." She chuckles again. "Oh, baby, don't worry. I won't hurt him." She steps closer to me and I step back. "But I am going to." The woman pulls out a gun for her pocket and points the gun at Jamie. I hear a gunshot and I scream...

"Cassandra! Come on baby wake up!" I hear as I wake up screaming. Bella is looking at me worried, "Baby, it's okay, it was just a bad dream. You're okay." She comforts me. I feel tears streaming down my face as I shake, scared that my dream is slightly true and that something was going to happen to him. "Where is Jamie?" I ask frantically, "Where is he? I need to see him." I stand up to go find him but Bella stops me. "He is still at the hospital remember." I look down at my feet. "Oh, can we go to the hospital then?" I ask, slightly calmer. She shakes her head, "No, baby. Visiting hours start at 8:30." I look at the clock on my bedside table, 3:46 shining brightly into the room, though it doesn't illuminate the room by much. I sigh, realising how insane I must've looked. "Come back to bed, baby. Get some more rest and we can go see him when visiting hours are open, okay." I nod my head and slowly crawl back into bed. Bella wraps her arms around my waist, pulling me close to her. She presses her lips to mine in a small kiss and then relaxes into her pillow. "Goodnight, beautiful. Wake me up if you have another bad dream, okay?" She whispers. I nod my head, even though she can't see me. I hear soft snores coming from her side, indicating that she has fallen back asleep.

I lie on my back, staring up at the ceiling. There is no way I am going to be able to get back to sleep. I am still shaken up about my nightmare, worried that something might happen to Jamie. I know for a fact that Bella would never do anything to hurt our son, but I am worried that someone else will, like that woman from the restaurant. I keep telling myself not to worry about her, but there is something at the back of my mind telling me to worry, telling me to be aware of my surroundings.

Time flies by, slowly. I eventually hear the alarm clock go off, indicating that it was 7 o'clock. I sit up, rubbing my eyes and face. I feel Bella start to move next to me, slowly waking up. I stand up and go into the bathroom to begin to get ready. Once both Bella and I are ready, we go into the kitchen to have breakfast and then get ready to leave for the hospital.

Once in the car, I lean my head against the window, just how I did last night. The radio is on, playing random songs quietly. Bella is drumming her fingers to the beat of whatever is playing on the radio. "Hey, babe?" I murmur. "Yes, love?" She replies. "What would happen if, I don't know, someone kidnaps Jamie?" We pull into the hospital car park and find a spot instantly. She turns the engine off and turns to face me. "Why do you ask? Did something happen? Did someone speak to you?" I shake my head. "No, no one has spoken to me. It's just... Doesn't matter I am probably overthinking this." I sigh, grabbing the door handle to open the car door. She puts her hand on my arm. "Babe, talk to me. Even if it isn't something to worry about, it is still on your mind. Tell me." She says. "It's just... Yesterday at the restaurant, I noticed that there was this woman a couple of tables over watching us. Every time I would look at her, she then would turn away and back at the menu or her meal. It's probably nothing." She nods her head. "Probably. But if you see her again, let me know as soon as possible. Okay?" I nod and give her a small smile. "Alright. Now can we get out of the car? I miss Jamie." She chuckles and nods, opening the door to get out. I do the same, stepping out into the chilly air. I shiver slightly but ignore it because of how desperate I am to see Jamie.

We walk into the hospital entrance, this time being a lot quieter and less busy. We head straight for the special care nursery - where they look after infants that are born early, which is where Jamie was sleeping last. We walk in, noticing a few babies sleeping in there and one nurse keeping an eye on them. She looks up, a bit surprised to see us walk in. "Hi, can I help you?" she asks, noticing our lost looks on our faces. "Yes, do you know where Jamie is sleeping?" I ask. She frowns and shakes her head. "He has been moved to the nursery, he was well enough last night to be moved there. Someone was supposed to contact you, did you not get one?" I look at Bella who looks back at me, we both shake our heads then look back at the nurse. "We didn't get anything." "Alright, well I can give you directions to the nursery and then maybe once you have finished visiting Jamie, you can go to reception to double-check we have the correct contact details. They can get a bit mixed up at times." She tells us. "Thank you." Bella smiles. The nurse gives us directions to the nursery and we walk over, pushing open the door and finding Jamie immediately. I walk over, finally being allowed to hold him after all this time. I pick him up and hold him close to my chest, giving him a small kiss on the forehead. "Hello, my gorgeous, baby boy. I'm your mummy, and this is your mama." I say as I feel Bella walk up behind me. She places her hands over mine, hugging both me and Jamie. "And your name is Jamie," I whisper. I press my lips to his forehead again, smelling his hair. I close my eyes, just enjoying the quiet moment between the three of us. "I love you so much, both of you." I hear Bella say behind me. "I promise to keep both of you safe, nothing and no-one is going to hurt you." I feel tears well in my eyes listening to Bella speak. This made me realise that no matter what, everything will turn out alright because we are family. And I know that I am going to be an alright mother.