meet me in the hallway |h.s|

45 | complete

sweet creature
had another talk about where it's going wrong
but we're still young
we don't know where we're going
but we know where we belong

• • •

   My heart is still beating as fast as when Niall and Kay picked me up but I'm not crying anymore. I'm lying on Niall's living room floor, staring up at the ceiling, trying not to think about Harry but it's impossible.

   Everything I've done with him... Every moment I had with him is replaying in the back of my mind. I want to find another explanation for the way I act with Harry, I don't want to be in love. What if he doesn't feel the same? Or what if he does love me?

   I shake my head to myself and chuckle. That's ridiculous. Who would love me? I don't even love myself.

   I sit up straight and hug myself. I'm not in love with Harry, that was just a thought that got into my head randomly, and that thought only scared me a little.

   It doesn't mean that I love him.

   Looking over my shoulder, I stand up. I turn around and walk towards Niall's kitchen, calming my breaths to be able to speak. I step into the kitchen and quickly notice Niall sitting at the island, scrolling through his phone, but Karen's nowhere to be found.

   "Where is Kay?" I ask Niall, sitting down on the stool next to him, grabbing a banana since I haven't eaten anything since this morning, I even skipped lunch with this whole thing.

   "At the grocery store, she said something about comfort food," he tells me, glancing up at me and back at his phone. I instantly smile at his words, knowing exactly what she's doing. She's getting my favourite food to make me feel better.

   I start peeling the banana, being silent and thinking about Harry, obviously. Something about this whole thing seems so weird to me. I mean, I have never been in love before, and I don't know how it feels, but what I have with Harry... Could that be love?

   "Niall," I speak up to catch his attention, and when he looks at me, I continue. "Have you ever been in love?"

   This would be something I'd ask Karen but she's not around right now, and I need to know now so I have to compromise with Niall.

   He blinks a few times as if I caught him off guard, and then proceeds to turn off his phone to put it down on the counter. He clasps his hands together and takes a deep breath before he speaks, looking somewhere in the kitchen as if that part of the room had the answer to my question.

   "Um... I... um... I think so?" he doesn't sound sure, and I furrow my brows. "I mean, it's a complicated feeling. It's hard to know really and when you once realize it, it could be too late." I nod my head along, processing his words in my head as I bite on the banana. "Why do you ask?"

   I ignore his question and ask him something else. "How does it feel?"

   "Um," he chuckles. "It depends... I guess."

   I tilt my head to the right. "What do you mean 'it depends'?"

   "Sometimes it's good when the feelings are reciprocated and sometimes it's bad because it kills you inside to not be able to be with the person you love." He explains, locking eyes with me. I didn't realize Niall had such pretty blue eyes.

   I tap my fingers on the counter and take another bite of my food, humming a yes in the process. "How good does it feel?" I ask him. He might think I'm stupid for asking these stupid questions.