meet me in the hallway |h.s|

56 | coward

two months later

It's been the same every day.

I've never felt so empty before in my life. It feels like someone is ripping my heart out of my chest, and that someone is Harry. He doesn't talk, he doesn't give me a sign that he is okay. He's been drinking more too. Sometimes he leaves the house and comes back in the morning without telling where he'd go. I don't pressure him into telling me because every time I try to, we end up having sex. It's not even soft sex, it's rough, and I wake up every day with new bruises on my body. I don't hate them though; I like to see them there because now the sex is more intense between us. Even though, the only thing I don't like is why we do it like this.

It feels like Harry is sucking all the life out of me, but I don't want to tell him that. I'm trying to make him feel better, to make him happy in any way I can and anyway he lets me do it. But sometimes I wanna give up. I wanna give up the trying and have some peace of mind of my own.

Now, I just feel nothing.

The fights we've been having are not helping either. When we do talk, we end up yelling at each other, but none of us apologizes after. We're both too stubborn to even try to. We're trapped in a cycle of fighting and fucking, and I don't think I can handle it, and distractions are kind of stopping to work for me, even though it's all Harry wants by now. I can't give it to him anymore. Everything that's happening right now between us, is eating me alive, and I don't think I can take it anymore.

I think I need a break.

"Vee, are you still there?" I hear Louis on the other end of the phone, snapping me out of my thoughts.

"Yeah, yeah, sorry." I shake my head even though he can't see me. "What were you saying?"

"I talked to Harry about this party we're going to. I invited him, but he said he won't be going," Lou explains for me again since I wasn't paying attention the first time. "Since you're the funnier one between you two, I was wondering if you'd like to go."

"You still asked him first though," I tell him, a small smile drawing on my lips.

"Um... oops." I chuckle through my nose, feeling as if I was forced to make that sound. "Are you coming though?"

I don't respond right away, flickering my eyes between my laptop and the window, staring at Harry's backyard. Then my eyes look in the kitchen's direction where Harry is cooking dinner for us.

"No, I don't feel like going out today," I finally respond to his question, my stomach tightening for some reason.

"Okay." I hear him say, his voice a bit off. "Are you okay, princess?"

No, I am not.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I answer instead, lying to him obviously. "I'd just like to stay in today."

Louis sighs, loud enough for me to hear. "Vee, I know that you're lying, but I won't force you to tell me what's going on. I just want you to know that I'm here if you need to talk."

I nod my head, my sight slightly getting blurry all of a sudden. "Yeah, I know. Don't worry about me, big boy. Now go to that party and have fun," is the last thing I tell him before he tells me once more that he's just a phone away from me. We say our goodbyes and hang up, knowing that he'll be there if I need him at some point.

I click my phone off and toss it on the couch next to me, seeing Harry placing plates on the dining table out of the corner of my eye. I close my laptop when I feel his eyes on me, not wanting him to know what I'm doing.

"Was that Lou?" he asks me, and I turn to look at him, nodding my head instantly as an answer.

"He was inviting me to the party you declined," I tell him, flickering my eyes to my laptop, hoping he won't ask about it.