screwed

19

trigger warning: pregnancy loss (it's not emily's don't worry)

"What the hell was what?" JJ asks with a puzzled look on her face as she climbs in to bed. Emily doesn't join her. She continues to stand at the foot of the bed, trying to control her anger toward her girlfriend.

"She's really not" Emily repeats back to her. "Seriously, JJ? He's eight years old, what does it matter if he wants to pretend the baby is his sister. If we do get married some day, she will be his sister. What's the big deal?"

"Emily, c'mon. Just let it go," JJ says.
"No, I don't think I will. I think I'd like to go back to my apartment, and sleep in my bed, and eat my breakfast cereal while my baby kicks my rib cage every ten minutes, since that's how it is," Emily says back, getting ready to storm out of the house.

"Oh my god, Em. Don't leave," JJ sighs, reaching for Emily's hand. "Hey, I'm sorry, okay? I guess it just really hit me when we told Henry how serious things are getting. It brought back some tough memories."

"Okay, I get that, but I think we need to get on the same page then, because it'll be pretty confusing to Henry if we don't even know where we stand with each other," Emily suggests.

"You're so right. Really, you are. And you're so good with him. So I'm totally fine with him feeling like you can be his second mom," JJ says, smiling at the thought of them tucking Henry in to bed every night like they did today. "And you're right, she is basically will be his sister, as far as I'm concerned. I just, I froze up when he asked that...because he...he already has a sister."

Emily's eyes narrow and her eyes roll to one side as she heard what JJ's saying. She quickly realizes she's definitely missing something here. "Um...what do you mean he already has a sister?"

Emily could see the tears building in her girlfriend's eyes. She walks around to JJ's side of the bed and sits next to her holding out her hand so JJ could grab on to her.
"Yeah, um, I've never told this to anyone before..." JJ says.

"It's okay, you can tell me, if you want. But don't feel like you have to. I'll understand," Emily says in an encouraging voice.

"No, I want to. Um, when I was on my assignment in Afghanistan, I found out that I was pregnant with a baby girl. Will and I hadn't really been trying to have another baby, so it was kind of a shock, but I was so happy. Obviously, Will wanted me to come home, but I couldn't. A few weeks later...our convoy was blown up...and, and, I lost the baby."

Warm tears rolled down JJ's cheeks as she recalled one of the worst moments of her life when Agent Cruz told her that she had suffered a miscarriage. She wanted more than anything to go back in time and change things so that she would've never been in the explosion, and Henry would have a little sister right now.

"Henry doesn't know, but...I just know he would've been such a good big brother to her..." she says, finally resting her head on Emily's shoulder.

"I'm so sorry," Emily whispers. "I'm sorry I even brought this up. I totally overreacted."

JJ got over her tears and let out a genuine little chuckle. "Please, Emily. You're not overreacting, you're just very passionate about our little family. And I'm so excited to be adding our baby girl in a few months." JJ was now smiling from cheek-to-cheek. "I just needed to air out my grief, so, thank you."

"Thank you, for sharing that with me. I can't imagine going through that, especially all alone, but you're not alone now. I'm here. I always will be," Emily smiles back, wiping a stray tear from JJ's cheek.

JJ pulls Emily in for a kiss, and then places a hand on Emily's baby bump. "I can't believe she's kicking already!"

"I know, I mean, feel this," Emily says, moving JJ's hand to where the baby's feet are ravaging her ribs. "She's gonna be a soccer player or something with these leg muscles."

They share in a blissful laugh before finally falling asleep, preparing for the fun vacation ahead of them.