I Am Persephone

VI

They sat silently, watching the river run past. Hades had taken one look at Persephone's face, and the pomegranate in her hand, and known what he had to do. It was not something he had ever wanted to do – at least, not that he would admit to himself – but the agony shooting down his arm would not have stopped until he had brought her down here. There was nothing else he could do: she had eaten the seeds.

A yawn came out of Dysos' mouth and the Vromi followed suit. Klap groaned at Hades, and he rubbed the dog's neck. Persephone, gracefully, was allowing Kerberos to spread some of his weight across her lap. She ran her hand down the length of his side, patting his thigh.

Her sigh broke the silence. "I'm sorry. I wasn't planning on this, but..." She trailed off. "I don't mean to be a burden."

"You are not a burden to me," he said. "I am concerned for you." Her eyes were still red.

"Don't be. I prefer it here."

He rolled his neck. "You are the only one."

"So you haven't had time to swap out your eyes yet?" She raised an eyebrow at him.

"No," he chuckled. "No, I have not. You see, I had to turn back almost immediately."

She winced. "Sorry."

He shook his head.

"I have...a problem, Hades."

"Oh?" He turned to look at her.

"I have... I suppose there's something wrong with me." His mouth opened to argue, but he shut it. It was not his place to decide whether there was something wrong with her or not; he would not belittle her experience like that. "When I...destroy things...I can't control it. It's like that part of me takes over the rest of me, and it makes me enjoy it. I ruin things. But I like the ruination."

"Perhaps," he ventured, "that does not mean there is something wrong with you. Perhaps that is just how you were meant to be. Perhaps all our lives are planned out for us already, and we have only to make the right choices."

"You believe in fate?"

He had never before this. It would have been terrible – to think his life would always be so dim and was meant to be that way. But now... "It has brought us together, has it not?"

She smiled. Her joy was like sunlight, and he wanted to absorb it into his skin. "I guess it has. And, I was thinking today, thanks to you, that maybe there isn't something wrong with me. Maybe I'm just not meant to be a fertility goddess. But I...I just feel wrong. That's all... That's the only thing I was ever meant to be and now I'm realising that I'm not that. I can't tell whether I'm relieved, or whether...I'm just... I don't know. Do you understand?"

"I cannot quite relate to the feeling, not exactly as it is for you in your situation, but I understand feeling wrong. Out of place. I know that feeling well. Like you have tried so hard for so long to be something, but no matter what, you always fail. No matter what, you are still doing something wrong. I understand that."

"How do you...deal with that feeling?" Her voice was quiet. Small.

He was silent for a moment. Then, "I suppose that is something we both must work on."

She huffed out a chuckle. "I suppose so. Maybe we can just be wrong together."

He smiled, for a beat, but it faded quickly. "I did not want you here. Not because you would be a burden, but because, when I see you, you glow. You glow, and everything down here is dark. Everything loses its glow eventually. Even the Elysian Fields sometimes darken. I do not want you to lose your glow."